Very different, creative even, but couldn't hold my attention. view book

Reread the first sentence. I was wrong. "Eyes" works. view book

Redo the first line. "The eyes..." It's jolting. I pictured two eyes without a head. Maybe "The gaze that...." You don't need "Subconsciously". Just "He asked himself..." "The even was endured by him." Passive voice. Editors and agents hate it. (I don't mind it, but they do). Paragraph Five IMHO... view book

Very interesting quirky style and ideas. This is not a genre I usually read, so I cannot comment on content. I did find myself smiling, however, at the clever ideas...just as I smile at some of the Harry Potter allusions. I would watch the tags, however. Too many. A simple "said" suffices most of th... view book

The writing is good, very modern, reminds me of Tess Geritson so far as subject matter (serial killer with a mad on at women). In chapter one, Lucas mentions there is "so much blood" yet a few paragraphs later comments on "the absence of blood" meaning the girl was killed elsewhere. Chapter One gave... view book