I think you've got rather a slow beginning, where you explain thought processes and reasoning in a wry way, where you need immediacy. Later, there is a lot of potentially engaging interaction, and real emotion comes through, but there are some interpretive, slowing, rather stiffly formal or r... view book

Atmospheric, and the setting is fascinating. There's a lot of introduction and exposition that weakens the impact. This is a kind of 'helpful' style that tells the reader what's happening, and telegraphs what's to come, but I think the narrator's summarizing and carefully-telling style ... view book

I think there is a theme of selflessness thatresonates in the text, but I don't think the pitch and title really convey the meaning of the work. A few punctuation, grammar and tone slips distract from the read, and some repetition weakens the message. view book

Atmospheric and imaginative, with a strong setting. The tenses change, which is confusing, and there are some slips, and some draft-like or awkward writing. view book

The writing is engaging and vivid. I think the pitch would have more impact if you checked it for redundancy - the extra words tend to slow it down. A young girl must keep her sanity intact as she tries to escape from an evil entity that stalks her. for impact: 'young girl' could be 'girl... view book