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mmallico

rank: 7381

Last week's position: 7230

first registered 23.05.11

last online 134 days ago

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about me

I am a twenty year old student in Arizona. I have been working on my first novel for nearly two and a half years now. Recently I went through a very major rewrite, so I am still working on that.

favourite books

Harry Potter, Lord of The Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Left Behind

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my books

Alannian and the Sword of Azal....

Matthew Mallicoat

He died in one life trying to defeat the king. Can he succeed in another?


Thirteen-year-old Alannian is the Incarnation, the most recent in a lineage that has preserved harmony between humans, elves, and dwarves for millennia--ever since a powerful elf created the Incarnation Cycle. But King Fayavor believes the Incarnations have prevented humans from achieving true greatness, and he wants Alannian dead.

For most of his life, the elves had kept Alannian’s identity a secret from him, but no longer. As Alannian leaves his home, a traitor reveals his identity to the king’s key enforcer and Alannian’s uncle is killed. From freeing slaves to evading an entire Legion out for his blood, Alannian must learn to harness his increasing power as he seeks to find solace in his uncle’s death.

 

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latest

subra_2k123 wrote 61 days ago

Hi mmallico, 'ozoneraser' is hanging at 10 rank for more than 5 mont....

Maevesleibhin wrote 65 days ago

Nice kitty. Matthew, I would like to proposition that empty spot on....

Jack Cerro wrote 65 days ago

Hey Mathew I am Jack's failure to follow his own 6th and 8th comma....

gloria54 wrote 89 days ago

gloria_weah@yahoo.com Hello. My Name is gloria mpka. I was impr....

Noelle J. Alabaster wrote 105 days ago

Just a quick thank-you for keeping Dark Origins on your shelf! Noell....

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my comments

latest

I wrote 298 days ago

Very vivid and good job on putting us in Mason's shoes. I do have a couple of points to make though. The way your sentences flow needs to be worked on. At times, it is repititive. For example, you explain the smell of pee way too many times in the first paragraph. Maybe give us something else. Ex... view book

I wrote 303 days ago

Chapter 1- Very descriptive, although the pacing is off with the first bits of dialouge. There is a great deal of confusion who speaks first. I would establish this earlier or give us the dialouge later. Also, there are too many names too soon without much context. It seems you are trying to imm... view book

I wrote 317 days ago

A little verbose, but a good story nonetheless. I would suggest breaking up your paragraphs. Longer paragraphs can be a bore, especially to a younger reader. I also worry that some of your description may be a little drawn out for your target audience. Be sure to mind your punctuation. Whenever y... view book

I wrote 318 days ago

Very good character! People will be rooting for Tommy through and through. I only had time to read the first chapter, but rest assured I will return for more! I do have a couple points to make though. I think you tag on commas too many times. For example, take the sentence 'and an ill fitting ... view book

I wrote 318 days ago

Very entertaining read! I'm not sure what book it was, but this reminded me of it so much! Very good imagery and good description too boot!. Definitely worth a backing view book

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