I have read more. This is really good. But two points... in the murder scene when Jade's throat is slit, the wording "almost decapitated" made the scene lose impact for me. Kelly doesn't seem like a woman who even knows the word decapitated, and we are in her point of view. She would see it as "... view book

I backed this mostly because you created such a wonderful victim-- wonderful as in I want her to die! I am so rooting for the murderer! Nice voice, too! The only constraint I have is the point of views shifts but you could smooth that out a bit, maybe put in a scene break. Nice job! karen... view book

Hi! I haven't read very far but I'm backing you for creating atmosphere. One point, though... try to avoid duplication in meaning as it can make your writing wordy. Filaments and hair are almost synonyms; tiny and little are synonyms. They are also relative terms; I wanted to know how big the bo... view book

This is funny! Is the MILF thing on purpose or are you all not familiar with the movie American Pie? I don't have time to read much but I am backing it just because I am in the mood for something like this. view book

Hi, Jeff. I liked this, especially having the prologue start with a) women and b) someone whose name I recognized (Boudicca). That said, I think you need to work on the prologue as far as setting the scene. We're not clearly in any one characters point of view and I think we should be. Dropp... view book