I'll make notes as I go... Chap one... Nice descriptions...don't believe there's such a beast as a cameraless Japanese tourist...they've always got one somewhere... The descritption of the empty glasses - it runs a little long maybe? Specifically, the 'not quite ordered' tag at the end...ma... view book

Ok, you were right, YA fiction isn't really my thing, but i'll give it a shot anyway... - I haven't read the other three chapters...not sure if that's important...probably is plot-wise, but if I'm just looking at Hadrian then it's probably ok... - this is very descriptive...lots of adverbs and... view book

Man, that first chapter is a killer, length-wise....on the screen, I mean...it would be fine in a book. It must be hard to write this....you're in the head of the savant, right? His thoughts shoot around a lot...I liked the john boy walton segue into facial moles... Actually, maybe it's not th... view book

Chap four... Good three, short paragraphs of description on Shalimar. Good word choices, generally, although sometimes you seem to stretch too far... I can't highlight text for some reason, but I'm talking about the paragraph that starts with 'it was incongruous...' it feels that there's no pr... view book

Not convinced about the first one, a bit amateur, but the rest of them were great. view book