I put this on my watchlist after starting the prologue. Will come back to it later. For now, I just have one suggestion. I would take all or most instances of the word "it" and see if you can replace them. Much of the narrative in the prologue is very well done and the sentences/section using "it" w... view book

I've read through the first chapter. I like this type action in an opening chapter and the premise is definitely my type of story. The dialogue for Sarge is the best part so far. He's a no nonsense, action-oriented soldier who seems bothered by the scientists with him on this mission. This produces ... view book

Bob, I read the first part of your book based on the pitches. Also, I like the title. This is my favorite genre and I think the prologue was a great hook for the book's premise. Good pacing and left me wondering what happens next. I think the italics may not be necessary. It restates what was in the... view book

The most important aspect of the first chapter is that you've established your main character and put her in trouble from the start. The conflict set. I liked the dialogue, both internal and external, because it matches your intended audience so well. Teenage girls can be so dramatic and Jane plays ... view book

Hi Laura, finally got around to starting your book. I have been a middle school teacher for many years in mostly hispanic schools. I think the use of first person to really show the inner dialogue of the main character is a great idea in this case. We want to know what she's thinking and feeling bec... view book