This is a charming story. I didn't feel pulled in by chapter 1, though. It had a lot of telling, and not enough to make me feel involved with your character. More dialogue and a sense of peril would make a huge difference. The story has a lot of potential, though. It's an engaging situation, and oth... view book

This is a very strong story, well written, with a firm sense of place and time. Nice job! view book

I read the first three chapters and then skipped to a couple others. You have a very good sense of action, and your dialogue is strong. I also like your story concept a lot. The biggest issue I have is with the number of run-ons throughout. You should do one edit, concentrating on nothing other t... view book

This is a wonderful new twist to the familiar Arthurian tales.I like the modern mice and the Indian family. Those are nice touches. I'd work a little on the opening, though, so it didn't feel so much like you're throwing a bunch of info at us before we've had a chance to start caring about the ch... view book

This is really fun. Time travel and adventures with a quirky uncle--what's not to love? My only criticism of any real substance is that beginning with a character waking up is probably the most common opening around. I see it all the time here, and have read blogs by agents saying that it's almost a... view book