...The beginning of chapter one has the same types of problems as the pitch. You need a good solid editor. My first diagnosis: you're using big words for the sake of using big words, not because they are the best for getting your meaning across. While I love post-cataclysmic literature, your hook of... view book

Your pitch needs some work - the punctuation doesn't make any sense, and I can't get a sense of what's going on. For example, this sentence: "For Arlick Frances though, who at forty one, and forced to live between the possibilities of a parallel existence." -you have two modifying phrases, but no ac... view book

You've been on my watchlist for quite a while; not ready to back yet. After reading chapter one, I just can't get into it. You have the bones of a story, but its very jerky right now. He does something cool, his dad's proud, and then Connor decides to "forget about it" and keep walking?? That made ... view book

Wonderful! Thank you for the last chapter. Again, a few nitpicks that I hope will be helpful: "He had almost forbidden the lighting of the fire until commonsense, and a stern glance from Airen, prevailed." - common sense is two separate words. It's possible I missed it in earlier chapters, si... view book

Ok, here are the rest of my comments. :-) This is an excellent story, and of course I'm horribly annoyed that you didn't post the whole thing for me to read. I enjoyed it immensely, and aside from some cavils about spelling, typos, and overuse of a few words, I see nothing to complain about. Ch.... view book