So I've read the first chapter before and thoroughly enjoyed the voice and all the Hindi slang (I have to imagine it's going to be a little frustrating for people who can't figure out what a gora or firengi (sp) is...but hey, Salman Rushdie got away with it!). I read further this time--it's got its ... view book

The dialogue in this is hilarious! I love what you're doing with the characters and the direction the plot seems to be headed in (although I'm confused as to why this starts with Chapter 17). One thing--comma use. Unfortunately, the only way around it seems to be breaking sentences up or removing... view book

Interesting and fast-paced; I think there's a little too much exposition at the beginning--this most stands out when you're focusing on moving the plot forward. view book

I love the characters in this, and especially Kai's introduction: I don't have to know what a Cold Chaos Dragon is to appreciate Kai's personality. The intro has a very actiony feel. With this in mind, shorter sentences would help a lot--I like the pace it sets, but all those clauses throw things... view book

Dark humor, flowing passages, great dialogue--excellent work. At times the flow borders on rambling, but it's a style, too. view book