This is quite a good opening to a book.I actually rather liked it. It reminded me of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. There is a immediacy to your verbs and sentence structure that I like. It makes it feel different from the other novels written in the first person perspective, l... view book

Straight away I have to say that I dislike the anthropomorphizing of the Kestrel. To say that the kestrel "noticed something unusual", or that it was "enjoying his new power of flight" is to seriously misunderstand the way that an animal's mind would work. It gives it powers of abstract reasoning th... view book

I think the main problem with your writing is that you seem too eager to get to the bulk of the action, to the set pieces that advance the rest of the story and you are rushing too quickly through the rest of it. You rush through the dialogue, the inner monologue and all the events that aren't abou... view book