Hi Ashley, Let's start with the good stuff: Your idea is fun and you're a talented writer. Most YA writers go through an editing ring of fire, but I like your tone and you keep it consistent without being cheesy. I like your descriptions and the pitch is good, but could use a little work. For exam... view book

I rarely like Sci-Fi but the pitch caught my eye. Maybe it's because I just watched Star Wars but I could hear the narration in your writing. That's pretty rare - so good job. I would also usually be the first to jump and say, "That writing is way to flowery! No one will buy it." but you pull it off... view book

Hi Bill, Your first line caught me, but the pitch could use a little work. The last line kind of comes out of nowhere and leads the reader to ask, "Wait, what?" That's what you want, but I would encourage you to clarify at least what kind of being this person is before you say someone is using s... view book

Hi, Initial observations: the beginning paragraph is very blunt and straight to the point. I'm not sure if this grips the reader in the way you intended. Then, the next three paragraphs start with "Gary and Donna". That phrase is repeated too much in the first chapter - try mixing it up with vario... view book

Hi Duane, This story isn't quite what I usually read but it's cute. Has a nice flow it, and reminds me a bit of the "Oxford Murders". I like your story and want to stick with it, but I feel the 1st person MC needs a bit LESS of a voice. For example, you get lost in the thought process of your own ... view book