Hi Dave, So here’s a strange one for me. It’s unusual to crit a book that’s reached the Ed’s desk, let alone halfway up it. As we both know, the road to get there is long (with many a winding turn) so you’d think that, in that time, your book will have been crit to death. In theory, then, it s... view book

Hi Robin, Generally speaking, less is more. ie To convey the same message in as few words as possible is preferable, especially to keep a nice speedy pace. The word THAT is one I generally pickup on, and more often than not it’s because you find it in sentences where it doesn’t need to be. Exampl... view book

Hi Earl, Firstly, that one line: “Whatever happens from this point forth, these memories must remain vivid. Some day they’ll sustain her.” I can INSTANTLY relate to it. If anything, it’s almost *too* powerful an emotional beat because it sets me off on daydreams of my own. Forget the bird, the l... view book

Hi Paul, Anyway, on with the crit. What’s this thing with starting new sections with “Anyway”? You do it three times in the “prologue” (if you can call it that) and again for chapter three. I was going to point out that it doesn’t work based just on the first time I saw it, but now you’re a repea... view book

Hi Lexi. Oh no no no! I did NOT like your opening. I did NOT like the excellent way you drip-fed information to the reader, letting them know the setting through the emotions of the main character. I certainly wasn’t enthralled by the way you established a thorough, dreamy, romantic scene before ... view book