The voice you've taken is rather cutesy, which makes it whimsical and funny, but at the same time I'm sickened that you're trying to make incest/molestation seem taht way. Maybe i just haven't read far enough, but at the end of Ch. 2 I want to stop reading. view book

I really like the voice you use in this - right off the bat I can tell approximately how old the narrator is supposed to be. It doesn't sound like how an adult thinks kids sound, but how they actually sound. That is something that is difficult to do and I've not seen it on very many novels on Auth... view book

I definitely like your use of the first person here - I feel like I have a good feeling for what she is seeing. It is well written and overall I enjoyed the first 10 or so pages that I read. There was one paragraph on the first page where she said, "I wished I was taller. More muscular. And a jiu... view book

I'm going to start off with my absolute pet-peeve - I hate the use of the word "guv'nor"... it drives me nuts, and you don't need to use cheesy dialogue like that. (note, I also don't like the names Bugsy and Spyder, b/c I have read at least 4 other authonomy novels with "bugsy" as a character. Co... view book

I just read the first two chapters on this one, and I think it is pretty good. What is the are range you are targeting with this book? One suggestion for chapter two would be to elaborate on how strong his ability to hear others thoughts are. It seems like the bus driver is thinking about what he... view book