Charlie Back as requested. I'm not sure what you changed, but the prologue works. There's a typo right at the end before the speech: it should be a comma rather than period. This time I was interested to know what was going on. Though confess to losing interest again in chapter 1. I presume the k... view book

Gill Some very random thoughts in here. I like the questio of whether the mea ning of life is being a sex toy and having hair pulled out by an Eastern European lady. The writing is pretty good although I favour less (or no) parenthesis and ditto exclamation marks! :-) Your work is amusing and wel... view book

Penny Before the bigger picture, here are some nitpicks to look at: * comma after speech e.g. "...her head[,]" said Maggie * In fact "Maggie said" is easier to read * O['] level * She was a beautiful girl - beautiful is very subjective and advice on wriitng is to avoid such words in favour of ... view book

Andrew Interesting insight into life in hamburg. I'm not convinced about the start. It struck me as too passive and didn't pull me in. I would start with dialogue then fill in with the description of where you are. Some mistakes spotted: "...to talk to talk..." Also look for punctuation before s... view book

Henry I’m afraid I only had time to read chapter 1 but took some nitpicky notes as I read: “…laughed out loud[.]…” “Confident [of] his own strength[,] Daniel...” “ ’…a lady’s ears[.]’ ” “…her eye[.]’[I]f you are ready…’ ” “…walked [into] the Dell.” “ ‘…gentlemen[,]’ the man shouted…” “ …the ... view book