A shy computer technician's journey from carpe gluteus to carpe diem. Wizarding is almost as mystical as women, to Simon Broadhead.
An offer for magical tutoring hits Simon Broadhead, awkward computer technician, like a ton of confused fourth graders, just as it would anyone in our world. It is a very short apprenticeship, however, because his mentor Bartleby Wisticuffs is kidnapped after their first lesson indicates that remedial teaching on the Moon is in order.
A magical book and a noir demon eventually land him back on Earth, where a pair of ersatz women intervenes in his almost-assassination. Soon, through no real fault of his own, he's a wanted criminal caught up in a well-meaning global scheme that will, unfortunately, destroy the planet, the solar system, and his chance at a real relationship.
Previously unable to even find a girlfriend, he's gotta deal with an accursedly perverted wizard, convince someone to be his Familiar, and save the world from one Timothy Baggers. Mr. Baggers wants to teach the whole world about their magical nature, but this would, on the whole, be a poor idea. Like any proper man with a plan, though, he has a tendency to ignore the potential downsides, like pissing off Elder Gods.
He's got power. Simon does not. Yet.