I know this is an odd thing to comment on, but I love the flow and variety of your sentence style in the first chapter—the strongest of what I read. A lot of writers use the same sentence pattern over and over, and you use just about every pattern in the toolbox in this chapter. I like that. Yo... view book

“…weeping willow in a pine forest”—nice touch. Your dialogue is excellent—sounds natural and moves well. I can hear the characters, but I have more difficulty seeing them and where they are. A little more description, perhaps? view book

I thought your second to last paragraph in the first chapter was powerful—being adrift from mankind in spite of not having had any particular difficulties. It makes me wonder if this narrator lacks introspection at first, but then the second chapter lets us see more of what he’s feeling. He remind... view book

The last chapter in the Prologue certainly sets up the conflict—interesting. You have some very good turns of phrase—“dripping blood over the whisky tumblers and coffee cups in the sink,” “Living…is best done by the young,” “no friends to sit with on Sunday after church,” “they only have a mother i... view book

I laughed when I read the comment about sexual attraction keeping poets in poverty. I enjoyed reading a few chapters and will read more when I have a chance. Chapter 3 made me laugh, since I recently went to a writing workshop myself. I will comment that I’m having an easier time hearing these ... view book