A very workmanlike start and you have captured Pelham's voice exquisitely. Only two general comments. First, I think you could introduce narrative. Let the words of love come direectly from his mouth! And hers, eventually when they do. Second, I found the punctuation a bit lacking or weak in places.... view book

Hi Christina! What a cracking yarn! And such a shocking ending. I loved it! I'll get to reading more of your later chs! (Sent the 'final proofs' back yesterday so more time for authonomising!) Señor Gxx view book

Hi Kirk, All deja vu so I looked at your comments. I commented briefly 343 days ago and backed you then! What a great yarn. I love your wrting stye and the way you introduce characters and their dialogue. I cannot fault what you've done. Beautifully original and I just love your striking title. I'll... view book

Hi Sam, You write very well. You have a lovely fluid style and have no trouble constructing either dialogue or narrative. The pace is about right, slightly slowed by what I think are unnecessary details, eg computer chair when chair would do. I try not to use got so I'd prefer 'I lost myself in my i... view book

What a great start to this well told story. I enjoyed the read. You know Queenland well or have researched it! Good, strong dialogue and plenty enough description. I'll have to come back and read more, Tonia. One or two really minor crits. I'd leave out 'was the fact that' and say something like: Bu... view book