A very workmanlike start and you have captured Pelham's voice exquisitely. Only two general comments. First, I think you could introduce narrative. Let the words of love come direectly from his mouth! And hers, eventually when they do. Second, I found the punctuation a bit lacking or weak in places.... view book

Hi Christina! What a cracking yarn! And such a shocking ending. I loved it! I'll get to reading more of your later chs! (Sent the 'final proofs' back yesterday so more time for authonomising!) Señor Gxx view book

Hi Red, I enjoyed ch.14. I found it so compelling, I didn't even look fot any nits! Only onr struck me: I would say intention rather than intent but I think you can use intent as a noun so you are not wrong. Your flow of the plot is really good and interveaving the relationships with Ed and Greg is ... view book

Chapter 10: Equally convincing writing. Shelly continues to attract my sympathy and comes over as a strong figure. Minor nits: Played the field is a cliche; wanted to end as quickly not quick as possible ..dog had died of diabetes. He had deteriorated.. not sure if dog had deteriorated or Dad. I thi... view book

Hi Red, What a convincing tale you have written. Shelly is so real. It's like an autobiography with plenty of emotion and feeling. You have a natural, simple, clean style of writing so what you are saying is beautifully clear. I took to Shelly straight away! She demands the sypathy of the reader and... view book