One of the first things my daughter did as a waitress was drop a pizza in a customer's lap. She's told me about her mortification in excruciating detail, so your opening paragraph most definitely rang a bell. You have a gripping prose style. This is fast paced and engrossing right from the start.... view book

Very lively text. Absolutely gripping from the start. Dialogue's convincing, descriptions spot on, research nicely 'invisible' as it should be, but undoubtedly there. Going straight on my bookshelf. view book

Clever title. Sets the tone. If the text now turns out to be deadly serious, I'll be disappointed. Good short pitch, though I'd drop 'particularly'. Never use more than one modifier. Each additional one always weakens what you're trying to say. Opening sentence of the long text would make a g... view book

Love the cover. The title is a bit of a mouthful, but also a bit different, so that's good. Short pitch is fine. Long pitch has problems because 'Jess' could be either male or female. I assumed gay male ('Maybe I'll end up with Paul after all') because the only person I know called Jess IS male. (Fi... view book

The long pitch is reading well now, but you might like to consider breaking it into paragraphs, rather than having a great block of prose. Easier to read in shorter chunks, with white spaces in between, even if the words themselves remain the same. view book