There's some really good themtic/philosophical stuff emerging here and I like your use of allusion. Perhaps you might vary your sentence structure more. A lot of your sentences start "Dogge," and I feel it marrs the fluidity. A couple of punctuation errors to look out for as well. Otherwise has the... view book

Working with children helped me understand how metaphors are born; in their imagination. They either die as they mature or they become gifted writers. This is an amazing insite into the mind of a child which does it better than Roddy Doyle. The child is in a constant stream of consciousness that adu... view book

I like the way the story is moving on but perhaps a little more description is needed. Sometimes the dialogue comes across a little contrived, but I know it's difficult sometimes when the dialogue is used to get backroung information across to make it sound natural. I like the humour in this and the... view book

This is well written and grips you into the story straight away with some good imagery. Try and build up a little more atmosphere using contrast to give the reader more of a shock when the bodies are discovered. It has a nice colloquial feel to it. There's a nice balance between your representation ... view book

I read your first chapter and this is nicely pitched for children's genre. I think my 9 year old would like this and I'll get her to read it. There are some nice linguistic features which will enliven children's imaginations without confounding them. It's hard writing for children and you do it well... view book