Crispy

Crispy

rank: 1605

Last week's position: 1624

first registered 03.12.09

last online 23 hours ago

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about me

I am a young man, with a love of science, cooking, music and the Lake District. I play guitar. My greatest love is writing comedy.

favourite books

Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchet

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my books

Marking Time

Crispy

Dave tries frantically and hilariously to make sense, of his increasingly bizarre life as a teacher, "helped" by some very eccentric friends.


Marking Time follows a fortnight in the lives of: two young teachers; two Taoist monks, who also fit bathrooms (prices available on request); an otter addicted to Chinese food; an educational advisor with a penchant for really very sharp pencils; two arch manipulators, thoroughly enjoying their chaotic ride towards retirement, and Elvis.
Elvis is a dog.
In their search for peace and tranquillity, they encounter: an educationally subnormal dolphin; the increasingly bizarre behaviour of several school Heads (including interior gardening, sock puppetry and kangaroo chic, in no particular order); a self-help bazaar with a strict resuscitation policy (it’s frowned upon), and rabbits falling (possibly) from the sky.
The majority of this occurs around the preparation for, and implementation of a school inspection. During this, a man, known only as Staggering Bob, observes, assists (in a manner of speaking) then obliterates the main culprits of a fifteen year scam.
The resulting freedom this brings to the characters involved leads to: two resignations; the successful farewell to a blissfully challenged dolphin; the equally successful installation of a stolen bidet (using the ‘persuading hammer’), and the creation of a revolutionary lemon jam chicken burger.
And Elvis makes friends with the otter.

 

my friends

iandsmith
iandsmith
last online 32 mins ago
Robert Eetheart
Robert Eetheart
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Andrew W.
Andrew W.
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Eric Laing
Eric Laing
last online 9 hours ago
Magoo
Magoo
last online 43 days ago

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latest

DickBurton wrote 34 minutes ago

Thanks for the backing...appreciate it. Yours on my WL.

Emily M wrote 23 hours ago

Hi, Crispy, Thank you so much for putting Cassidy Brown on your shel....

Davidmauriceware wrote 1 day ago

I just wanted to thank you for your support of my book A True thug Wi....

Laith Doory wrote 3 days ago

Thanks for backing 'Reaching for the Gods'. Much appreciated. Lait....

AuroraNemesis wrote 4 days ago

I would be very grateful if you could find the time to check my book ....

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my comments

latest

I wrote 16 days ago

Mark I have backed and starred and now i have reached the end of Chapter 2. This is a really original proposition. There was a sit com on UK TV in the Eightees about the residents of heaven, sort of like an up market golf club, with angels as admin clerks and gym instructors which was similar, th... view book

I wrote 17 days ago

Hi Mick This is great; very amusing from the outset and sharply observed. Using Boots as a metaphor for order, with "regimented", "disciplined", "uniform" in quick succession, then describing the untidy, ugly snaking queue as the disorder, was inspired. The inner dialogue was brilliant - how many... view book

I wrote 28 days ago

It would seem that the dystopian future you have so eloquently recounted, may be closer that we think. Hydrofracking already being blamed for land tremors in the UK, in our search to extract gas from shale seams. This is a bleak and compelling read; You have a strong use of metaphor and simile. I pa... view book

I wrote 33 days ago

Hi Fran, I just started to read your book having been pulled in by the "play on words" title. This is brilliant. Fast paced and dramatic. The characterisation is spot on and I loved the fact his stubble was "more derelict than designer". I will be reading on and may comment further. Perhaps yo... view book

I wrote 51 days ago

Hi Dave This is very amusing! Line after line I give a gentle snort and then every paragraph, a fully fledged giggle. I love your turn of phrase. i particularly liked the fact that the check in attendant was wearing too much foundation and the comment " I help old ladies across the street and I'v... view book

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