I think you're very much onto the right track here. Good opening and strong sense of character and place. A couple of suggestions. First, lose the dialect. For instance, "Kane had a fix'n". It's distracting and interrupts the otherwise solid flow of the text. In particular, Kane seems to be y... view book

You have an extremely strong voice, and a good feel for the spoke word. I like what I see so far with one notable exception: you simply *must* learn how to correctly use a comma. I found your book very difficult to read because of its absence. Nevertheless, am backing your book. view book

You have an extremely strong voice, and a good feel for the spoke word. I like what I see so far with one notable exception: you simply *must* learn how to correctly use a comma. I found your book very difficult to read because of its absence. Nevertheless, am backing your book. view book

Ha! I love it. What an insane and audacious combination of genres and ideas. I'm too swamped to give this more than a cursory read but it really seems to have a little bit of everything. Consider yourself backed! My only suggestions is that you review this carefully for grammar and punctuation. I... view book

Hi, what you've got here shows a lot of potential. What I'd like to see if the prose tightened and clarified. For instance, in the first two paragraphs, there's a lot of confusion of pricking and aching and "their" (subjects unclear). I get a sense of what you're going for: sort of a haunted "Red Dr... view book