This appeals to me, with very much a Zulu/Breaker Morant about it, You need to sweep through; too much 'said' when it's obvious who is talking. I didn't find enough difference in speech between Ernest and the Piper, too alike, a little more fear in the Piper's speech would sort that. Colour... view book

Fara picked up the ringing phone "Hello" "Hello, its Mr Spat here" Phone was ringing and Fara picked up the phone and said 'Hello' "Hello its Mr Spat here view book

Your attempts to write the back story into the first few paragraphs give your work a juddering start, and although I found your dialogue easy to read, your characters lack the individuality to take a life of their own. view book

Unfortunately this work fails to hit the mark, less told through the eyes of a boy, more the man who has difficulty expressing the true emotion felt all those years ago. I did the same, wrote a memoir of my time in the Andrew and where yours is too late, mine was too soon, dripping with jack speak... view book

I struggled with the visionary aspect. As hard as I tried I could not see the character of Terin as so tender an age despite the battling upbringing. Ten years a combat slave, starting at the age of two it just didn't work for me. However I believe your gift for bringing the tension of an arena t... view book