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lionel25

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first registered 13.01.10

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The Silver Spoon Effect

Lionel Levy

Troy receives an email update about the search for his mother's killers. Shortly after, someone he hates commits suicide. Coincidence? It happens after every update.


At age fourteen, Troy leaves his Caribbean homeland after his mother is murdered. Catholic priest and mentor, Father Williams, has promised to do his best to find the killers.

While at university in Washington, DC, Troy encounters a hostile research assistant. Nevertheless, he does not expect the man to kill himself. And that's exactly what the assistant does, right after Father Williams emails Troy an update on the search for the killers. A pattern begins to form. Every time Father Williams emails Troy an update, someone commits suicide. Someone whom Troy hated. Troy is, without meaning to be, on a killing spree. Will anyone be able to stop him? Does he want them to?

My novel is complete. The first chapter is on display.

Sincere thanks to everyone who supported my work and/or gave constructive critiques.

Best Regards,

Lionel

 

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I wrote 401 days ago

Mary, I'm sure by now you know you're a very talented writer. I savored the first chapter. I think there are a few instances where you can cut back on your descriptions (...a pair of GRINNING dancers.., ...this COMPELLING video of joyful youngsters). It gets a little distracting after a while... view book

I wrote 537 days ago

Solid writing in Chapter 2. Good touches of humor. Touching end to the chapter. Not sure you should mention what the dog walker thought the tumble down the cliff looked like (overloaded tar barrel..). Sounds a bit insensitive within that context, if you know what I mean. Below are my specifics,... view book

I wrote 537 days ago

Pretty impressive writing in that first chapter. I have two general comments: I am no expert on children's fiction, but I'm wondering about your target audience. You would probably need to state an age range, since younger kids might have difficulty grasping some of your words. Which brings me ... view book

I wrote 537 days ago

Good opening paragraph to Chapter 8. Good twist with the husband's car keys found in the gator. The chapter is good, but I suspect it's the least edited. Here's what I found. Her fists tightly clenched. [Her fists clenched tightly] where the cups were and the coffee... view book

I wrote 537 days ago

Chapter 7 flows well. Below are my nits. He checked Caller ID [He checked the Caller ID] They walked to his mom's van. (At the van), he slid the door open [You don't need the (at the van) part.] The sitting room had twelve foot coffered ceiling ... view book

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