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Richard Maitland

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first registered 27.08.09

last online 18 hours ago

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about me



Multi-talented sex god and bringer of joy.

My only failing: a lifelong (and inexplicable) inability to tear along perforations. Every stamp, every tax disc, has been mutilated beyond the possibility of usage.



I like to back and encourage writers who I think show potential, or whose writing has enriched my day. When I review a book I always give my honest opinion, regardless of whether it costs me the goodwill of the author. If this makes me the Simon Cowell of the Authonomy site, then feel free to boo.

Right, 'nuff about me. A bit about the books:


THE SEX STONE OF AGASSIA is not pure comedy, but a farce with sad bits. Expect to meet unrealistic characters -- caricatures, even -- and a credibility-stretched plot. The retro narrative style is deliberate, as is the inordinate length of the book, and the story arc is second only to the Sydney Harbour Bridge in the width of its span.

It's not a linear story. The chapters move back and forth in time, with switches in writing style and tempo. It's seen, to a large extent, from the perspective of minor characters, each one of whom is the centre point of his own world, and thus behaves accordingly. And it's this behaviour that creates the story. Cause and effect.

The storyline is designed to keep the reader baffled as to the significance of the various episodes, until the final chapter when -- like one of Rolf Harris's paintings -- you look at it upside down and can see that it's not a cat with a kipper after all, but a portrait of the late Queen Mother. But it all becomes clear on the last page. Promise.

The Sex Stone of Agassia is composed of several discrete strands -- some farcical, some tragic -- which occasionally cross over each other. When they do, another link in a long chain of misinterpretation and serendipitous causality is irrevocably forged.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

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THE ANNALS OF "SCRIBES" is the transcript of a recent Forum thread. Posts are largely reproduced in chronological order, adjusted only where necessary to provide clarity. Some slight editing to a few posts was necessary for the same reason.

Authonomites posted as themselves, with the exception of Ferret, who graciously played throughout the part of Her Majesty Queen Victoria. Ariom Dahl appeared as the sinister Lucrezia Borgia. Apart from playing the part of Sir Richard, I also appeared, through a borrowed account, as Sir Perceval. There were a few posts by be-Socked persons.

Thanks are due to everyone who contributed to the thread (even the Socks and Trolls – nothing is ever wasted), but particular appreciation must be paid to Norton Stone, whose flights of surreal fancy have had the Editor weeping with laughter on several occasions, and kept poor, beleaguered Sir Richard constantly on his toes.


favourite books

The Young Visiters (sic) -- Daisy Ashford

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THE SEX STONE OF AGASSIA

Richard Maitland

There's a Blue Stone guaranteed to make its owner sexually irresistible. Unfortunately, it's in Iraq. It's 1991.
And there's a war on.


Can sex-starved Detective Inspector Marigold Bateman discover the Blue Stone and find true love before the onset of the menopause? Will the Count and the Baron -- inventors of a synthetic sex-appeal machine, and desperate to get their hands on the 'real McCoy' -- get there first? Or will Colorado commune leader Dougal Gallagher and his Seekers of the Shining Light pip them to the prize?

Spanning 4,000 years and most of infinity and beyond, The Sex Stone of Agassia involves an extensive cast of bumbling policemen, impoverished aristocrats, Bedouin tribesmen, cantankerous aunts, FBI agents, lost babies, obsessive inventors, red-neck sheriffs, Luftwaffe officers, homesick extraterrestrials, despots, goatherds, and well-endowed vicars.

Farcical, fantastical, and belonging firmly in the genre of Far-Fetched Fiction, The Sex Stone of Agassia is also a story of faith, friendship, loyalty and love.




My thanks to Bradley Wind for the cover






 

THE ANNALS OF "SCRIBES"

Richard Maitland (Ed.)

"So this is what men do when left alone? It's very... odd."


Originally a 77,000-word Forum thread, this was, essentially, an Authonomy-wide game of Consequences.

There was no predetermined plan; no agreed storyline to follow. Authonomites simply picked up a previous post and ran with it. Some ran in directions that could scarcely be contemplated by a rational reader.

For clarity, some slight editing and reordering of posts was necessary. ‘Stage directions’ within the body of a post are as written by the poster. Inter-post comments in italics are those of the Editor.

Thanks are due to all writers who contributed such delights as Dadoo’s antler-bearing ‘chihuahuas’; Stumpo’s blood-soaked excursions into the East End; a dead otter; militant Suffragettes; crates of Borgia wine; Miss Judith Chalmers; orang utans; suspicious pies; a nude aviatrix; Queen Victoria and her demands for lobster; the Invasion of the Ladies; the Siege of Scribes; Mr Hawgood and the Guinness lines; the wonderful Orson Paddock and his false moustache; Sir Richard’s suicide attempt; cushions; and, of course, poor, devoted, down-trodden Mackie.

Your turn to enjoy.




 

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latest

Jack Cerro wrote 18 hours ago

Revised Faux agent rules. Clear as mud? Here are the rules: ....

Lena M. Pate wrote 19 hours ago

Thank you for the advice. Per your recommendation, I have rewritten ....

R.Moore wrote 5 days ago

You're the Sex God. I meant to thank-you for your comment earlier but....

Ferret wrote 6 days ago

A blog that absolutely no one else reads is not the ideal vehicle to ....

Wussyboy wrote 6 days ago

Thanks so much for that, Richard. You're only the 4th person to read ....

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my comments

latest

I wrote 28 days ago

Wonderfully dark and disturbing. I loved the ambiguity of it. The casing round the seed of reality is paper-thin in all of us. Backed with pleasure -- and a shiver down my back. view book

I wrote 33 days ago

Dave, I am so very glad you buckled down and persevered with this. It has a lightness and a joy and some wonderfully dark corners. The whole thing hangs together in a much more structured way, so that an actual storyline is apparent, which was what it was lacking before. You now have a book on ... view book

I wrote 37 days ago

You had me at: "I do this when I'm borderline suicidal". Wonderfully, brutally, bizarre. And backed. view book

I wrote 62 days ago

It seems somewhat churlish to say this, but say it I must. I wanted so much to love this: the premise is original, the execution skillful, the characterisation spot on, and the writing good. But my enjoyment was blighted by the constant superfluous use of characters' names. People in real lif... view book

I wrote 72 days ago

Another Moody winner. Bright, breezy, and something nasty lurking behind the sofa. Backed with pleasure -- and a strong desire to read on. view book

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