You clearly like space operas and have some good ideas but I think this piece needs some polishing. Some of the phrases and description are either just wrong/don't fit or are overwritten. e.g. - In the opening line you say space is ablaze ...not a planet, and yet reading on I found that that was... view book

I can see why people find it compelling as I read on (not all the way though!) to find out what happened but I do see what others have said regarding the way you write being a little basic. That's not wrong of course (necessarily) if that's what you intend but I did find it a little bland with nothi... view book

Sorry, I struggled with this. The summary is confusing and has spelling mistakes in it ('reviled' instead of 'revealed'), so I got off to a bad start. I wasn't at all convinced by the intial exchange between Jet and her mother, I have 3 kids and I wouldn't bat an eyelid at that opening conversati... view book

Agreed. Sorry Andrew, but the start of the prologue reads like a history book. You've obviously researched this heavilt but you have to tell a story, not regurgitate all that you know. It would be much more effective to bring this sort of factual information out through dialogue. view book

Phew! I thought you would start shouting at me! It's tough to criticise when others are so complementary but personlly I don't find 'Wow, that was great!' all that helpful. Unless anyone here is Stephen King or Bernard Cornwell, most of us aren't going to be perfect and so there's a good bet that mo... view book