Hi Cherry! I've only read two chapters, but I think this is wonderful. I love historical novels, especially the story of Troy. A couple of typos: 1. 'Looks like Thaddeus (has) lost...' 2. 'His sickness is (a) great loss...' 3. Where you stutter/pause 'I'm, I'm Neomene...' I would use 'I'm... I'... view book

Hi Ted, I've been following your thread(s) re: favourite books, lack of fantasy/sci fi readers etc., and I thought I'd give your's a quick read. I read Chapter 17 (because you wanted later chs read) and found it eminently readable, but you need to look at the amount of times you start sentences/para... view book

I read 17: Hallam's Ghosts - Very good. Writing is superb. Good ending. Couple of points: 1) Para 1 'feeling something good...'; para 2 'an uneasy feeling' - don't really go together. He buys a newspaper and reads it, but expects to read one at breakfast as well - needs clarifying. Good luck with it... view book

Your writing is stilted with short sentences, which generally are used to illustrate a tense scene. Uh oh! Apart from two kids meeting in Ch 1 nothing much happens - I'd say you were starting your story in the wrong place - it doesn't draw the reader in and keep them turning pages. If I picked this ... view book

I wonder whether the backstory dump in Ch 1 is the right place for it! Also, I'd start Ch 1 with the phone call. The opening sentence should grab and you're doesn't. Other than those two points, you write very well, the story moves along very nicely, I already hate her husband - good riddance! Good ... view book