Fair Crit. Seems the writers who ask for honest criticism never need it as much as the ones who just want approval. Go figure. I had a bit of trouble figuring some things out, but only because I'm not from your part of the world. Good, cynical, MC, interesting situation, good writing skills. Backed.... view book

Fair Crit - I crit in one window and read from another, so you'll get running commentary. A few commas, a few hyphens missing, in my opinion. No biggie. I'm 8-10 chaps in and wondering gender of MC. Something I hate about 1st person POV. Since it's a reminiscience, I don't think a recollection... view book

K.C. I'm here to take my look. I read in one window and comment in another, so you'll get running comments on sentences structure, typos, ets. Daniel squinted and, with the edge of his sleeve, wiped his forehead. OR Daniel squinted and wiped his forehead with the edge of his sleeve. Do you nee... view book

Good characterization (although I'd like some physical descriptions), dialogue, plotting. My only crit is the run-on sentences, connected by comma splices. But not everyone worries about that anymore. I'm backing it. Take care, JohnB view book

Nenno, I was moving fast, pulled right along by your frenetic characters and suddenly realized - They're ALL frenetic. It sort of works in a way, since I'm basically a country boy and could easily believe all corporate, competitive people are like this. But I prefer distinct characters, especiall... view book