After three chapters I'm wondering when we will get to the comedy. The characters are there for it but the story seems to be going nowhere and the humour missing. Sorry if this seems hard but maybe trimming to bring the main tale to the front would and feed in the background as the tale unfolds woul... view book

Both letter do give a very emotional start to this tale but I'm not sure if you need both. I think there is already enough emotion in this story that you could easily drop one of them. I think that I will place this on my shelf for a bit. Best of luck with it. view book

Sorry but I just couldn't get into you tale. Best of luck with it though. :~) view book

I was caught by your blurb though after the first chapter I began to struggle a little reading this on screen. I think it is just harder to read on the computer rather than this being a difficult read. As a consequence skipped much of the next three chapters to get an overall feel for how the story... view book

Nicely written tale though I wonder why chapter one wasn't the prologue instead of the one you had. I felt that the prologue you had didn't add anything to your tale. I think you could weave parts of it into the first chapter to create a better opening to your tale and also impart what you were tryi... view book