The Devil Smokes Dunhill by Nick van der Leek

The media is mad.

The mainstream media from the inside, is a cesspool of insecure misfits, and courtyard keepers. Everyone suffers from chronic attention deficit disorder. Everyone is addicted to something. Words are their weapons of choice, life an after-thought, terminal diseases - especially cancers, tumors and anal brown-nosing - a certainty. Nick van der Leek, in this brilliant satire, uncovers the real story behind who and what makes the media, and suggests we stop caring. The folks who work tirelessly behind the scenes, splattering bullshit on the front pages of newspapers - the sub-editors, journalists [suckers], the cubicle slaves and other subhuman characters - do they know what they're doing? In a word: Hell no.
We live in a world where the news today is indistinguishable from spam, and spam [according to Wikipedia]'provides very little in terms of vitamins and minerals...it has been listed as a food that is a poor choice for weight loss and optimum health and as a food that "is high in saturated fat and sodium".' The news, the people responsible for writing it, editing it and stupid enough to read it get skewered in this devilish yarn.

  • Classification: Universal
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted Oct. 17, 2009
  • Last updated Oct. 17, 2009
The Devil Smokes Dunhill
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  • Retired user
    Caroline Hartman [Retired] wrote 3 years, 11 months ago

    Nick, Good luck with The Devil Smokes Dunhill. I read three chapters. I'm either too obtuse, too dumb, or too old to get this. Sorry. I'm sure someone less obtuse, smarter, and younger will make sense of this.
    Caroline

  • Nick VDL's avatar
    Nick VDL Author wrote 3 years, 11 months ago
    [QUOTE] The Devil Smokes Dunhill is deliberately weird, and opens with what purports to be some sort of metaphysical debate. God - are you there? Apparently so, because C2 tells me He has a sick sense of humour - but who wouldn't after flushing out all that human excrement? I guess I'm a loser, though, because reading this feels Like Ogling Someone Evidently Retarded. Sorry - couldn't resist that one! Seriously, though - this might well appeal to some readers, ...
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  • Nick VDL's avatar
    Nick VDL Author wrote 3 years, 11 months ago
    [QUOTE] The Devil Smokes Dunhill Hi Nick, This works well, a controlled (and sometimes uncontrolled) stream of consciousness rant against the scrouge of modern media. That there are such two dimensional folk out there, plying the world with the rubbish you suggest surprises me not a jot. I like the way your writing tries to capture it, an interesting and very unique narrative voice that manages to somehow vent spleen from the very first line and for the four chapters ...
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  • Bob Steele's avatar
    Bob Steele wrote 5 years, 5 months ago
    The Devil Smokes Dunhill is deliberately weird, and opens with what purports to be some sort of metaphysical debate. God - are you there? Apparently so, because C2 tells me He has a sick sense of humour - but who wouldn't after flushing out all that human excrement? I guess I'm a loser, though, because reading this feels Like Ogling Someone Evidently Retarded. Sorry - couldn't resist that one! Seriously, though - this might well appeal to some readers, but ...
    Read more
  • Andrew W.'s avatar
    Andrew W. wrote 5 years, 5 months ago
    The Devil Smokes Dunhill Hi Nick, This works well, a controlled (and sometimes uncontrolled) stream of consciousness rant against the scrouge of modern media. That there are such two dimensional folk out there, plying the world with the rubbish you suggest surprises me not a jot. I like the way your writing tries to capture it, an interesting and very unique narrative voice that manages to somehow vent spleen from the very first line and for the four chapters I ...
    Read more
  • Nick VDL's avatar
    Nick VDL Author wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    [QUOTE] Chapter 10 and 11 I would think a total rewrite of an article that was already written negates the work effort. It is one thing to edit or proof but a complete rewrite of an article that you (who I believe could competently write an article) does not make sense to me. Julie [ENDQUOTE] The idea was to humiliate me and to discourage further effort. It was also to clearly establish that anything that would get written had to ...
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  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Chapter 12

    I don't understand why you can't at least find a writing mentor in this environment. Is there no one who can take you under their wing and nurture you or become an a intellectual allie to you.

    Julie

  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Chapter 10 and 11

    I would think a total rewrite of an article that was already written negates the work effort. It is one thing to edit or proof but a complete rewrite of an article that you (who I believe could competently write an article) does not make sense to me.

    Julie

  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    Chapter 9 Nick you have initiative and guts all the virtues that are usually revered in the USA. I find this very interesting your life has been rather like a gypsy going from one occupation to another but you should really try to publish your writing. If you want to write screenplays take a class. UCLA (Univ. of Cal Los Angeles) has an online screenwriting class. I hope to take this class sometime in the next 2 years. You said ...
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  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Chapter 7 and 8

    What a shame you couldn't photograph Ms. World contestants. Since you manage data I imagine you could get a job anywhere in the world. I am definitely for your plan to move on. You need to try the USA.

    Julie

  • mikegilli's avatar
    mikegilli wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    backed............brilliant exposure of a modern work experience.
    I suppose you realize this site is Murdoch's pet?
    I see that i reality you're freelance, so hopefully you don't
    personally suffer like your hero.
    All the best with this. It probably needs a more developed
    storyline to go with the excellent.characters.......Mikey (The Free)

  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    Chapter 5 and 6 Your devil boss makes any boss or office manager of mine look like Jesus Christ. I don't know why a writer is having to do clerical work of creating databases from emails for a year couldn't that be delegated out to support staff. Your boss is keeping you down because she is probably very insecure about her own talent as an editor/writer and fears you could possibly usurp her in talent, intelligence and congeniality. Come to ...
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  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Chapter 4

    Nick it sounds as if you are a student of life and you should have directed your career into writing in the very beginning. I know how stagnating it can be when you are not surrounded by people as intelligent as yourself or more intelligent its like a suicide of living with someone you don't love.

    Julie

  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    Chapter 3 I worked at a Newspaper in 1996 in Kansas City, MO USA The Kansas City Star and unlike your experience I would have to say it was the only job I ever had that actually liked my intelligence. I worked in Classified Advertising and was even given an award. It was also the only job I ever held that I was drug tested for and I must say I was impressed by the caliber of non-druggy people who ...
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  • ergi1120's avatar
    ergi1120 wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    Chapter 1 and 2 Your observations of life, luck and good an bad fortune are so true. You either excel and are happy in work and the personal life is a shit or work is shit and the personal life is all that keeps you afloat. I know you are a writer Nick and you can write very well. I don't know why a boss would not want to nurture its staff with positive kudos or at lease constructive critique. ...
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  • soutexmex's avatar
    soutexmex wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    I read the first three chapters which is normally more than I usually read. But it wasn't until the third chapter that I felt this became somewhat normal from the obtuse beginning. This is kind of mash-up of 'How To Lose Friends' and 'The Devil Wears Prada' with a bit of Tom Wolfe thrown in. I know what you are getting at and that's commendable. But the format may be a bit more user friendly. Keep those paragraphs short. Satire ...
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  • soutexmex's avatar
    soutexmex wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Before I read, just a suggestion: you may wanna not answer comments here in the comment section, you may wanna send that person a message directly instead as a reply. Better chance of them reading it as most people will not return to see your response.

  • Kolro's avatar
    Kolro wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Holy macaroons this is certainly an odd read. The conversational style, exclamations and flickering, somewhat jumpy narration were all things I loved. I wasn't so hot on the movie quotations but they did make me warm enormously to Nick so maybe that's their intention. There were parts in this that made me laugh- 'moth in a urinal' being one. I'm gonna shelve this because I want more authonomites to see it. I see it getting a great following.

  • Nick VDL's avatar
    Nick VDL Author wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    [QUOTE] Nick Fantastic pitch, but please don’t quote Wickipedia. – use a more respected source e.g. the Oxford Dictionary. Great cover – but you know what I’d like to see, just to add the icing on the cake? The cigarettes in the shape of a point-down pentagram. Just a thought. Right then, this prose has great voice. It’s very accessible and easy to read. The opening chapter is intriguing and more than enough to keep a reader interested and wanting ...
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  • DMC's avatar
    DMC wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
    Nick Fantastic pitch, but please don’t quote Wickipedia. – use a more respected source e.g. the Oxford Dictionary. Great cover – but you know what I’d like to see, just to add the icing on the cake? The cigarettes in the shape of a point-down pentagram. Just a thought. Right then, this prose has great voice. It’s very accessible and easy to read. The opening chapter is intriguing and more than enough to keep a reader interested and wanting to ...
    Read more