Craving Distance by Marcus Bastel

A woman dies. Two people have to cope. The story stretches across a continent traveled on small roads by car.
Total word count is 80000.

Ellie, blind not helpless, sophisticated not demure. Her best friend, Louise, together a force to be reckoned with, a team, friends. One rainy night in autumn the friendship comes to an end as Ellie is being assaulted by a group of men, randomly without sense, and later dies in hospital.
The culprits, unknown.
Blane, somehow part of it, now unable to cope. He leaves behind what he knows to escape memory. With no destination in mind, he slowly crosses the southern part of the states, sticking to back-roads, becoming human on his way. His small town conversations beginning to take on the shape of a column.
The story of guns in Texas.
The encounter with a German philosopher.
The tales of death by tree in the forest.
Louise, after struggling to put herself together again, relocates to California. On her weekends she trails to the sparse forests that remind her of the green country she left behind.
One day she meets a man, friendly guy from back home, it is Blane, somehow bonded to her. Would she ever know why?

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted Jan. 7, 2010
  • Last updated Jan. 7, 2010
Craving Distance
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  • lmmartin's avatar
    lmmartin wrote 5 years, 2 months ago

    Interesting beginning. You are a natural storyteller, this is obvious, but there are little things here that get my editor's fingers itching to work. Sorry -- lots of promise, but needs a good grooming and a polish. Hope you can get that for the book, cause it is worth the effort. Thumbs up and best wishes for your next rewrite. Lynda

  • lionel25's avatar
    lionel25 wrote 5 years, 5 months ago

    Marcus, your first chapter swept me into the second. Good job overall.

    Happy to back your work.

    Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

  • Famlavan's avatar
    Famlavan wrote 5 years, 5 months ago

    This has a very strong storyline and while it is very character driven, to me it need grounding in time and place a little. There is a great plot in there, just needs a little polishing

    Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

  • Bob Steele's avatar
    Bob Steele wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    Craving distance is well written, with high emotions as I meet Louise through the tragic death of Ellie, and encounter Blaine, a drunk and a murderer - both strong characters that I'll enjoy spending time with as the story evolves. Backed.

  • Retired user
    Jesse Hargreave [Retired] wrote 5 years, 6 months ago
  • Retired user
    bonalibro [Retired] wrote 5 years, 6 months ago

    The road novel is a wonderfulform because the only rule is that it involve driving. Everyone who writes one has his own take on it. You have yours and I have mine. I like what you're doing with this one. Well enough to back it.
    but that will have to wait till morning. Meanwhile, please do have a look at mine.

  • Sutekh's avatar
    Sutekh wrote 5 years, 7 months ago

    I tend to agree with the comments which have gone before, a sentence like: "We are friends, I don't think there is any family, she had said." gets in the way of the plot.

    Nothing that can't be fixed with the aid of an editor and a few drafts, there is a talent here, and worth carrying on.

  • Francis Albert McGrath's avatar
    Francis Albert McGrath wrote 5 years, 7 months ago

    Pitch: "it is Blane, somehow bonded to her, would she ever know why?"
    This does not make sense. Pitch needs to be broken up into separate paragraphs.
    Read Ch 1: Quite sad. Ch 2, well written, love the last line (needs a period - full stop).
    Nicely done.

  • katie78's avatar
    katie78 wrote 5 years, 7 months ago

    i think your pitch needs to sound more like your writing. right now almost everyy line is an incomplete sentence fragment, disrupting the flow.
    minor edit : 'full of DISBELIEF"
    also, i think the main charactyer's name shouldd be earlier in the chapter.

  • senyah nala 's avatar
    senyah nala wrote 5 years, 7 months ago
    Marcus Looking at your pitch you have a good story. I comment as a reader. Grammar is not one of my strongest subjects. I looked at chapters 1, 5, 12 and 13. Sometimes the text seemed to have words missing or appeared a little disjointed. You should look at writers who can give you more help in this area. Jean Alexander and Jo Ellis were very helpful when they commented on my book, Kate's Legacies. All the best with your ...
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  • Marcus Bastel's avatar
    Marcus Bastel Author wrote 5 years, 7 months ago

    Hi Amanda,
    thanks for nit picking. The little mistakes are the ones I don't see. I am not a native English speaker so there will be a few which i tend to mix up. So pick away. Many thanks for taking the time and i shall take some myself and snoop around Busch Lane some more.
    all the best

  • amandajm's avatar
    amandajm wrote 5 years, 7 months ago

    Some repetition in chapter 2--one word used too many times in a paragraph. I hate to sound like I'm nit picking, but sometimes I find it helpful when people point these things out to me. Sometimes, when you know what you're trying to say, it's hard to pick out the little mistakes. Like 'a clock' instead of 'o clock.' I like the story line, though. Best of luck!

    Amanda Miller
    Busch Lane