Emmerick: The Battle Begins by Julie Kitchens

Adventure is what Salah has always wished for, when her wish comes true she finds herself thrust into a world where only the strong survive.

Salah longs to do more with her life than follow in her father’s footsteps and become leader of her village. Her training is about to begin when news of war comes to her peaceful village. As her people prepare for war, Salah begins having dreams of a voice that calls a warning to her. Just as she thinks her hopes of leaving her village for adventure are dashed, she is attacked by ogres and rescued by a very unusual dog. Her companion takes her to a place that turns her whole world up side down. There Salah discovers secrets about herself and her family. She also learns that her village is in danger of being destroyed and embarks on a quest for a mythical weapon that will save her people from a deadly enemy. With her own powers just beginning to surface, will Salah find the strength to stop the evil that is coming in time to save herself and her people?

  • Classification: Universal
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted May 13, 2010
  • Last updated May 13, 2010
Emmerick: The Battle Begins
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  • 48 comments
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  • Tod Schneider's avatar
    Tod Schneider wrote 2 years, 11 months ago
    Greta story telling, with a well developed fantasy world and interesting characters. Critique-wise, there are one or two things I'd suggest working on that I think would streamline the writing quite a bit. The big one (and I feel like I say this to half the writers I critique!) is over-attribution. You don't have to always spell out who said something. cut out the "he said" or "she said" and the story will flow better in many cases. In my ...
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  • patio's avatar
    patio wrote 3 years, 3 months ago

    Fun packed adventure. great stuff

  • Su Dan's avatar
    Su Dan wrote 3 years, 10 months ago

    very good descriptive narrative moves this tale along nicely...original story, told with great pace and style...
    backed with six stars...
    read SEASONS...

  • Retired user
    a.morrison712 [Retired] wrote 3 years, 10 months ago
    I'm a visual person, and I hate to say it, but your font is distracting. I'd stick to something that is more standard than Comic Sans. Beyond that, your writing was good. I try not to comment on grammar, as I am not an expert on that. That being said, nothing really stuck out that made me wonder if the grammar was correct or not. I thought it flowed well, but like I said, for some reason the font kept ...
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  • Nightdream's avatar
    Nightdream wrote 3 years, 11 months ago
    Sorry for the late reply. I'm a little new to this site. It's kind of overwhelming. But from what I remember I liked it. What interest me was wanting to learn about the war. I remembered that your description should be cut down a little. I rather learn about Salah first. Then you can bring on the description. However, you don't have too much. I only read the first chapter because I decided no matter how much I like the ...
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  • Weaver Reads's avatar
    Weaver Reads wrote 4 years, 1 month ago

    Julie Kitchens -- Emmerick: The Batte Begins: This is as sweet story of adventure and, hopefully, love. I only read the first two chapters, but it seems a fun adventure. It was slow to start, but picks up the intensity of war plans further into it. It seems a mixture of and Indian tale mixed with fantasy elements. Very clever. I know my kids would love it. Well done! And keep it up!
    Ellise
    ~The Governess~

  • Intriguing Trails's avatar
    Intriguing Trails wrote 4 years, 3 months ago

    Title suggestion: Sirus Speaks
    Sirus is the dog star and the dog talks to her and she loves Mt Sirus... Just an idea.

  • Stuart & Victor's avatar
    Stuart & Victor wrote 4 years, 4 months ago

    this reminds me of the Wolfbrother series, by Michel Paver... but in a good way! really like the earthy feel to the story and the writing is obviously well above average! I thought the first chapter was a bit dialogue heavy towards the end but other than that fine. well done, will back as soon as we have space! Stu

  • Stuart & Victor's avatar
    Stuart & Victor wrote 4 years, 4 months ago

    this reminds me of the Wolfbrother series, by Michel Paver... but in a good way! really like the earthy feel to the story and the writing is obviously well above average! I thought the first chapter was a bit dialogue heavy towards the end but other than that fine. well done, will back as soon as we have space! Stu

  • Retired user
    kenny hill [Retired] wrote 4 years, 5 months ago

    Hi, loved it

    Kenny

  • A. L. Reynolds's avatar
    A. L. Reynolds wrote 4 years, 5 months ago

    This is nicely written, and held my attention. You're occasionally missing a comma, especially from speech, but essentially the rest is flawless! You build up a great atmosphere, and it's a genre that I love.

    Anna
    Angelwings

  • Illusion's avatar
    Illusion wrote 4 years, 7 months ago
    Have you ever read Lireal by Garth Nix ? It is the 2nd book in his trilogy The Old Kingdom. Your pitch reminds me very much of this book which I thouroughly enjoyed. I would first like to recommend reading Sabriel (book 1) then progressing onto Lireal (book 2) then finally Abhorsen (book 3). Secondly your pitch caught my attention and I have placed it on my watchlist. I intend to read it within the next couple of days and ...
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  • Retired user
    LL Su [Retired] wrote 4 years, 7 months ago

    Hi Julie,

    I've added Emmerick: The Battle Begins to my watchlist and starred it based on your pitch. You have a great short pitch. Invites readers in, wondering what the dark secret is. Way to draw readers in with a strong female protagonist like Salah.

    LL Su ~}¡{~ WONDERFLIES~}¡{~

  • Retired user
    Bocri [Retired] wrote 4 years, 9 months ago

    An irresistible, creatively powered fantasy with graphically descriptive passages. The reader can form a rapport with the main characters due to their realistic but sympathetic nature. The plot is strongly credible but not restricted and the prose is free flowing. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

  • CarolinaAl's avatar
    CarolinaAl wrote 4 years, 10 months ago

    A captivating fantasy adventure. Striking descriptions. Sympathetic, distinctly drawn characters. Powerful ambiance. Stunning depiction of a unique world. Inventive use of language. Convincing plot. Impressive writing. Backed.

  • Sly80's avatar
    Sly80 wrote 4 years, 10 months ago
    Salah, along with her father, carries a heavy weight on her young shoulders. She dreams of flying, but responsibility keeps her chained to the ground. Benen, a young spy, returns from the enemy village with news - preparations are underway for war. Given advanced warning, the village can increase its own preparations. The fact that the messenger is young and handsome is not missed by Salah. Seems that, unlike the rest of the village, Salah is fair-haired like her mother, ...
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  • Retired user
    TMNAGARAJAN wrote 4 years, 10 months ago

    EMMERICK

    Damn Good. Backed.
    TMN
    "NEVER LOSE..."

  • Retired user
    SRFire [Retired] wrote 4 years, 11 months ago

    This is intriguing and original. I would be happy to back it.
    Sana
    Saffire Drake and the Three Keys

  • Becca's avatar
    Becca wrote 4 years, 11 months ago
    Salah is an endearing character. The writing is excellent--nothing sacrificed by making this a YA story. You might want to look into your dialogue punctuation and capitalization to help polish this. The writing is good and the story si fantastic, but that will help give you the polish to make this look like it's been written by a season writer. You certainly have your story telling and characterization skills shining here. Here is a link that might help: http://www.rebecca-hamilton.com/?p=14 Good ...
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  • Joanna Carter's avatar
    Joanna Carter wrote 4 years, 11 months ago

    Just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed my sojourn into Salah's world. Backed with pleasure.
    Joanna
    Fossil Farm