The Dakota Principle by John S. Green

Imagine a brilliant physicist who can remove time barriers to visualize events from the past. The time and space paradigm has caused unexpected tribulations.

Dr. Gerald Thomas is a brilliant physicist has worked for over 30 years to create a method to view images from the past using current technology. However, his remarkable success proves to be a double - edged sword. The invention will allow him to solve crimes and visualize details of history, but what happens to marriages, friendships, family violence employment problems and espionage. Dr. Thomas and his partners, Jessica Johnson and Brandon Hunter, realize that such a device will be invaluable to others. Protecting the intellectual property of his creation is of extreme importance. While this technology will be revolutionary, Dr Thomas is a devout Christian, and his life's passion is to visit and observe the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted July 18, 2010
  • Last updated July 18, 2010
The Dakota Principle
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  • Retired user
    panhandle [Retired] wrote 2 years, 10 months ago
    I jumped from Chapter 1 to Chapter 10. It looks like I missed some interesting plot. I imagine you are on to something very good in that regard. I offer only one comment. It generally is not necessary to use "said" and comparable words to introduce dialogue. The general convention is that the person last alluded to is the speaker. If you look for that, I think you will see how other writers do it. Also, sometimes you can address ...
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  • Retired user
    panhandle [Retired] wrote 2 years, 10 months ago
    I don't think I get the basic premise. She apparently wants to make the property available for her children, she does not need the money, and she does not want to sell. Why, then, did she sell an option on the property? Also, it seems to me that too many words get used. Unless there is some urgent reason to have him drive through rain, talk to his secretary, and learn somebody called, I suggest putting that off. I think ...
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  • Retired user
    ATrueCritic wrote 4 years, 2 months ago
    You should cut out most of the tag lines. In the first few paragraphs you only introduced two characters, they are having a phone conversation, just by the paragraph breaks we know that "Kaitlyn said" and "Brandon answered," you don' t need to say it. Stuff like that slows the story down. And really the story is already slowed down quite a bit. An author needs to create some kind of emotional connection with his or her audience with in ...
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  • Kaimaparamban's avatar
    Kaimaparamban wrote 4 years, 4 months ago

    Perhaps, for this generation this idea may feel as foolish. Once a writer had predicted a voyage to moon then he was mercilessly ridiculed by all folks. I feel you may have such experience. However, the technology description in your novel may come real in future. Moreover, the hero in your novel is a pitiful character. I surprise how can you create such a character.

    Joy J. Kaimaparamban
    The Seagulls
    The Wildfire

  • Tom Balderston's avatar
    Tom Balderston wrote 4 years, 5 months ago

    Doubts as to the reality of the Ressurection cause many to seek other ways of knowing the Truth. Even with witnesses and records the reality of something so difficult to imagine bedevils us all. Just believe - how difficult. Interesting premise and pitch - Ah the ole time machine. Let me know when you are further along.
    The Wonder of Terra
    Tom Balderston

  • Mollie Orange's avatar
    Mollie Orange wrote 4 years, 5 months ago
    HI Your book title hooked me in. The blurb too. I could imagine picking this up at an airport shop and the blurb hooking me in. I agree with the points raised by others - perhaps you've got someone who could look over your manuscript. I know I'd rather have a great idea than great punctuation as great punctuation isn't going to get me published. Have you thought of submitting this as an idea for a film and perhaps re-working ...
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  • eric.swanson's avatar
    eric.swanson wrote 4 years, 5 months ago

    I believe this book has great potential. I would suggest not to begin a sentence with Brandon said. It's better to include this in the middle of the dialogue.

  • Joel Juedes's avatar
    Joel Juedes wrote 4 years, 6 months ago
    I love your short, succinct sentences. Many new authors have a tendency to be too wordy, but you capture the pace beautifully. One thing you might want to look into your use of the name before the dialogue. It slows down the reading and may take the reader momentarily out of the story. One or two is fine, but repetition comes in many forms. Turn some into an action of the character to give a better image. Just an example, ...
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  • scargirl's avatar
    scargirl wrote 4 years, 6 months ago

    just using this opportunity to back good books again.
    j

  • i.lah's avatar
    i.lah wrote 4 years, 6 months ago

    i feel good backing this, u ve got a compelling premise and i like the way u interfer wit time.

    Idris Lah
    Gift of Life

  • CarolinaAl's avatar
    CarolinaAl wrote 4 years, 7 months ago
    "Good morning Mrs. Peterson" said Brandon. Comma after 'morning.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. Also, comma after 'Peterson.' When a dialogue tag (said Brandon) follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma. There are more cases of problems of these type. Other than that, this is an explosive science fiction thriller. Polished characterizations. Searing descriptions. Powerful drama. Palpable tension. Potent storytelling. Incisive writing. A wonderfully compelling read. ...
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  • Eveleen's avatar
    Eveleen wrote 4 years, 7 months ago

    The dakota principle
    Intriguing pitch, the writing is good, you diverse to be backed
    Eveleen
    (Turning a new leaf)

  • Owen Quinn's avatar
    Owen Quinn wrote 4 years, 7 months ago

    I can only echo what the others have said, the story has me hooked, what a wonderful pitch that grabbed me straight away but something tells me things are going to go tits up if anyone gets to go back

  • Retired user
    Daniel Manning [Retired] wrote 4 years, 7 months ago
    Considering that the past can now be seen, does this mean that one day the future will also be able to be seen. Then the past present and future was something already pre-ordained, by some sort of higher force. This is Brandon's sensibility on the subject, having always maintained a christian belief, but was always under the impression that man had freewill to choose his destiny. Dr Geralds Thomas new device can see back into the past, but his company ...
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  • Sly80's avatar
    Sly80 wrote 4 years, 7 months ago
    Brandon is helping Mrs Peterson get a reasonable deal with the rip-off merchants. I like the way he ties Burl and Jim in knots, 'I can see a court throwing you guys under a bus'. Possibly this is why Gerald has chosen him as the man who can help with 'the biggest deal you will ever contemplate', but also because it was Brandon who helped Gerald set up when he first moved to Austin. None of that previous experience helps ...
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  • Tom Balderston's avatar
    Tom Balderston wrote 4 years, 8 months ago

    The Past, it happened. What about the future? Creative thinking.
    Tom Balderston
    The Wonder of Terra

  • Kevin Alex Baker's avatar
    Kevin Alex Baker wrote 4 years, 8 months ago
    John, This is a really interesting piece! I like Brandon and I think you've got a very unique scenario plotted out for him. You do have a lot of missing punctuation (specifically periods at the end of your dialogue), and unless the land deal becomes a part of the story later on, I think shortening that would serve the story well. That's a few small crits for an otherwise solid story. Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on ...
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  • Silo62's avatar
    Silo62 Author wrote 4 years, 8 months ago

    Wow, I really appreciate that. I like your ideas, and I have been thinking that same thing. It needs work but with people like you, I will get there. Thanks again.

  • soonerbred's avatar
    soonerbred wrote 4 years, 8 months ago
    John, thanks so much for backing the smoke that thunders and for you kind comments. It was a pleasure to back your book. I love your pitch and was intrigued by your premise. Your characters are likeable and no doubt an interesting plot line is developing. For what it is worth, i'll throw out some crits -- food for thought, to be spat out if it doesn't taste right. Someone noted that there is too much description, not enough telling, ...
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  • Cariad's avatar
    Cariad wrote 4 years, 9 months ago
    Fabulous idea - changing time is a subject most of us, I suspect, have toyed with. I like a scientific angle and who knows what is possible. I like your writing style, its immediate and involving and your character is likeable. Minor quibble - to many 'Brandon's' at the start. For eg. in paragraph one, there are four mentions of the name and you could have lost one in: 'HE found a parking space near.....' for eg. I mention it ...
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