A New Star by Michael Gray

A daydreamer is given the power to put things right.

Christian watches the night sky trying to imagine who's out there. He would give anything to travel to just one of those stars because he firmly believes humanity is only one of millions of species inhabiting our galaxy. Sitting on his favourite hilltop, staring into the endless twinkling blackness, a new star appears and changes his life. He can have powers beyond his imagination if he is willing to put right mankind's wrongs.

He agrees and is given alien technology that makes him more powerful than all humanity and becomes the first human to travel the galaxy. Governments around the world become desperate to discover who he is and the secret of his power but are helpless when confronted with technologies from the future.

His objective seems impossible but that's before he realises he has command of the elements. Even then he cannot begin to appreciate where this is going to take him and the whole human race.

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted March 1, 2011
  • Last updated March 1, 2011
A New Star
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  • 17 comments
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  • Chiasma's avatar
    Chiasma wrote 3 years, 4 months ago

    An entertaining read with good attention to detail, particularly the science aspects. I loved the analysis of the oncoming light, the head-on trajectory - as I've seen this myself on occasion. Styling could be punchier but apart from that well done and the best of luck.

  • mdws77's avatar
    mdws77 wrote 3 years, 4 months ago
    Another thing: These are minor things, bu you may want to use double-quotes instead of single-quotes to depict conversations. It was a little confusing figuring out who was talking at times. You use single-quotes for word like don't, mankind's, Fulluru's, and you should use double-quotes for "Right...Mr Prime Minister, I will go away and instigate a global conference call...we've much to do." Also, you will need to look through your conversations and make sure they have beginning and ending quotes ...
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  • mdws77's avatar
    mdws77 wrote 3 years, 4 months ago
    I like your novel very much and hope to see more of this story soon (it says it is incomplete). However, I do have some questions. What did the main character do before he got his visit? What was his education? Was he unemployed (it seemed like he was)? How old is this character and his wife? Although those answers don't seem to matter to the story, they may matter to your audience. It lets them know where this guy ...
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  • mdws77's avatar
    mdws77 wrote 3 years, 5 months ago

    I am in the process of reading this book as I did your first book. I will give more comments later, but I did notice that you refer to the Andromeda star system which is a little over 4 light years from our solar system. Unless there is some difference with names that I don't know about between cultures, the star system your refer to should be Alpha Centauri, not Andromeda.

  • Giulietta Maria's avatar
    Giulietta Maria wrote 3 years, 7 months ago

    A clever idea and creative read. I liked the pitch- it drew me in to reading a chapter or two. The writing could be a bit more dynamic if you cut down on beginning sentences with 'I' ('I look down ... I often sit ...') You could start sentences a little differently (instead of 'I often sit' you could say 'On one of my favourite hilltops, I sit in the lush grass and watch ...) Just a suggestion. Backed!

  • mariahj24's avatar
    mariahj24 wrote 3 years, 8 months ago

    I find this to be a fascinating and unusal read. I must compliment you on your ability to develop a thought with such consice depth. So many books leave the reader to question what the author intended and this book does just the opposite. Very best of luck to you. MJ

  • Retired user
    JuCaSe wrote 3 years, 8 months ago

    Blackheart put me onto this. Only just started reading but enjoying it so far...

  • George Anderson's avatar
    George Anderson wrote 3 years, 8 months ago
    Hey Michael, Congrats on the manuscript. It's a lot of work. You have a strong concept in this story. I'm going to focus on the areas that could use work, because I don't think giving you an ego trip will help you grow as a writer at all. Take a good look at any page or paragraph. Some of this is not ready for print. Examples, to give you an idea of what I'm talking about: /// I watched it ...
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  • tecmic's avatar
    tecmic Author wrote 3 years, 9 months ago
    [QUOTE] Very, very good. Dare I say it, certain parts, reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not the story itself, but the way your enveloped both your character and the ball of light, in a few paragraphs. I have to agree with @the_dragon_flies perhaps it does lack emotion. As your character left for the night, minutes after just encountering something amazing!!! I was instantly disappointed, wishing he had explored more. I only managed 2 chapters, they are both ...
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  • idilly's avatar
    idilly wrote 3 years, 9 months ago
    Very, very good. Dare I say it, certain parts, reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not the story itself, but the way your enveloped both your character and the ball of light, in a few paragraphs. I have to agree with @the_dragon_flies perhaps it does lack emotion. As your character left for the night, minutes after just encountering something amazing!!! I was instantly disappointed, wishing he had explored more. I only managed 2 chapters, they are both fast ...
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  • Su Dan's avatar
    Su Dan wrote 3 years, 10 months ago

    this story has great pace; you lead us through with care and skill, and keep our interest along the way...on my watchlist for now...
    read SEASONS...

  • ABR's avatar
    ABR wrote 3 years, 10 months ago

    A great premise for a sci-fi novel. Your protag's use of the technology seemed frivolous at first, but since it was an attention getter for the politicians it works, and it added a dose of humor, which I like. I added your story to my watchlist, so I can read more of it.

  • the dragon flies's avatar
    the dragon flies wrote 3 years, 10 months ago
    [A New Star] Your protag sees a bright light that appears to come straight towards him. Yet, there is barely any fear. When I was sitting on that hilltop, contemplating the things your protag does, I would indeed be surprised when I saw the light appear. I would look more closely and with phones being the way they presently are, I would most likely take pictures or even film the whole thing. WHo is ever going to believe me otherwise? ...
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  • Retired user
    lizjrnm [Retired] wrote 3 years, 10 months ago

    So far this is a very thought provoking read - Ive shelved and starred it.

    Liz
    The Cheech Room

  • Retired user
    Vall [Retired] wrote 3 years, 10 months ago

    Hello Michael, I just read Chaps 1 and 6, and really enjoyed them. Your story is intriguing and written with a wry humour that appeals to me. Christian's character is well portrayed, although I think maybe in Ch 1 you could make more of Frances and their relationship. Maybe a bit more 'show don't tell,' here and there but like I say, I did enjoy this, very original. I will read more. Best wishes, Vall

  • Patientman's avatar
    Patientman wrote 3 years, 12 months ago
    Only read first chapter but struggled. If you could take the intention of each paragraph and say it more succinctly it would pick up the pace and rythym. Feels as though you're explaining what is happening as you find it, which is fine if it were real life and I was standing next to you, but as a reader I need to be drawn in. Use language to create the sense of tension and suspense the situation suggests. The first ...
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  • Laurence Howard's avatar
    Laurence Howard wrote 3 years, 12 months ago

    Intriguing and original. I hope it does well.
    Backed.
    Laurence Howard,
    The Cross of Goa