Dragonraptor 1 - Vision Quest by Kestrelraptorial

A young winged velociraptor seeks to begin a journey that will shape him into a powerful apex predator

Kyeran is fourteen years old, growing up on the archosaur-dominated planet Kiryu. Around this age, young raptors begin a 'vision quest', a many year long solitary quest to find their own way to survive and rule in a world that tests them with unpredictable and apocalyptic dangers. Facing rivals, dangerous prey, violent storms, and an ancient enemy of their species, Kyeran and his friends are ravaged even before they scatter, before their journeys even begin. Alone, a small raptor is little against a huge dinosaur or legendary dragon, yet alone they will be and must find a way to fight back.

  • Classification: Universal
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted Feb. 22, 2012
  • Last updated Feb. 5, 2015
Dragonraptor 1 - Vision Quest
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  • CatMcConville's avatar
    CatMcConville wrote 8 months ago
    Chapter 1 Para 1. I like this opening. Its very visual, almost cinematic. The sea, the moons, the sea-dragon on the water. a peaceful world then, Snap, the sea-dragon is no more. Death on a peaceful sea. Perfect But I had to read the end of the para twice. I didn't quite follow the sequence. Did the sea dragon leap because she was under attack or was she just leaping and was then attacked? Did she plunge and was then ...
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  • Josephine O Brien's avatar
    Josephine O Brien wrote 10 months ago
    Hi there, Finally getting around to new reviews, sorry about the delay. Short pitch: Maybe that could read 'begins a journey' rather than 'seeks to begin' because I'm sure the book goes beyond him wanting to start his journey. Long pitch: No need to repeat 'winged velociraptor' we've just read it in the short pitch. How about ' At fourteen, Kyeran is at the age when raptors begin their 'vision quest'....... All the rest works well and I'm curious to ...
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  • JosephIsaacs's avatar
    JosephIsaacs wrote 10 months, 1 week ago
    WTF review. Very beautiful imagery- some of the most stunning descriptive writing I've seen. Your vocabulary is strong and well used. A very interesting idea combining dinosaurs and dragons. You had formatting issues that distracted me a bit. For some reason it went from single spaced to double spaced, not sure why, and the spacing became odd. I am guessing it wasn’t deliberate. You might want to repost it to get rid of that. The first chapter ends kind of ...
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  • lauraemmons's avatar
    lauraemmons wrote 1 year, 8 months ago
    YARG/CWOG Review of Dragonraptor - Season One - Vision Quest The opening chapter was beautifully written. I love the way you've brought us into this world. I was hooked the minute the sea dragon was killed, because I expected it to be the predator in the scene. In chapter 2 I found a few things. The line "Huge, jagged teeth snarled..." confused me as to who snarled at whom. I'm not sure the action of the scene is obvious. Perhaps ...
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  • Pippa Whitethorn's avatar
    Pippa Whitethorn wrote 1 year, 9 months ago
    YARG review First I have to say this is not my normal read, but I think it is something that my son would enjoy, so I have written this with him in mind. I like the idea of enhanced dinosaurs with the ability to perform elemental attacks. I would like to know a bit more about that. All their attacks seem different, so what determines that? - is it just something they're born with? Perhaps you explain that later - ...
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  • Fiona Haven's avatar
    Fiona Haven wrote 1 week, 5 days ago

    Tried to read this but there's something wrong with the upload.
    Nice cover art, though!

  • RubenFonsbo's avatar
    RubenFonsbo wrote 1 month, 4 weeks ago
    Hi Kestrel I just took a look at your book DRAGONRAPTOR, and as I began reading, I realised that, since only a few chapters are available, beginning with ch. 3, I'm at a bit of a loss since I don't know what or who Spinosuchus or Kaminariko are. Also, in the following few paragraphs I'm introduced to Keitaluah, Akhikaji, Kyeran, Bakunawa, Wyverns, Rukhs, Anerain, and Therizodactylus, and although I try my best, the story makes only very little sense. Your ...
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  • Marina Freedman's avatar
    Marina Freedman wrote 5 months, 1 week ago
    Hi Kes Thoughts on first two chapters. As always – these are just my opinion and thoughts as I read the first couple of chapters – others may agree or disagree. If you find a number of people pointing out similar issues, it may be something to consider looking at and adopting – it not, discard as my ramblings. I think in terms of a start, this is a solid piece. There is a lot of potential with the plot, ...
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  • Alastair Miles's avatar
    Alastair Miles wrote 5 months, 4 weeks ago
    Quick explanatory note, this is a review I did for the now defunct CWOG group. I never managed to put up before the changeover and forgot about until now. It's a month and a half old now but I hope it's still of some help... This is an interesting one. I like the idea of combining dragons and dinosaurs, I think you're onto something. But I'm not sure it's quite there yet, which is not to say that it can't ...
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  • C.O'shea's avatar
    C.O'shea wrote 7 months, 2 weeks ago
    Dragonraptor 1 - Vision Quest YARG/return review Chap. 1-3 I think there interesting and original ideas here. I'm bit out of my depth genre wise (I'm a boring reader of ordinary lives being led without anything really happening- except endless possibly meaningless conversation...obviously this is not that kind of story :) ) However what I liked was...I thought the dinosaur - dragon combo was unusual and therefore enticing. The description and world building seemed to be very well written and ...
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  • MOK's avatar
    MOK wrote 8 months ago
    I find the writing very colourful and descriptive, but also very confusing. It starts off beautifully but then I found myself having to reread the attack, because it didn't make sense. I wonder if it's the introduction of the new terms. I find myself wondering are there two dragons? A Bakunawa and another dragon? Or was the Bakunawa attacked by something that you don't mention? Sorry I am sleep deprived at the moment so forgive me for asking stupid questions. ...
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  • Retired user
    RonParker wrote 8 months, 1 week ago
    Hi, Time prevents me from reading more than the first couple of chapters, but based on what I have read you have a great story here perfect for the YA market. The writing on the whole is fine, though there are a few grammatical errors, such as a 'was' that should be 'were'. It was also hard to keep track of who was who in these two first chapters which wasn't helped by the unfamiliar names. While it doesn't bovver ...
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  • CatMcConville's avatar
    CatMcConville wrote 8 months, 2 weeks ago
    A Yarg review.Chapter 1 and 2 Wonderful writing. A whole world full of iridescent colour and light. The sea dragon is beautifully imagined. A peaceful start and beautifully drawn. The spacing is a little odd - is this deliberate? I had always imagined the flying dinosaurs might be as bright and colourful as the tropical birds of today and here they are. I love the way you start with the kill in chapter 1 and draw the characters to the ...
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  • Neuravinci's avatar
    Neuravinci wrote 8 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hey, this is nice. What I've noticed in this first chapter is good description. And it's not overbearing! Sometimes people describe too much or too little, but you have the Goldilocks amount of description. good.

    This comment refers to an earlier revision

  • Andrew P's avatar
    Andrew P wrote 9 months, 3 weeks ago
    Hi, Sorry it took so long to get to this, and I am glad that I finally did. Your writing flourishes with detail descriptions, and the imagery is a strong point. I also feel that the elements of dialogue are great, The banter between the kids and amekeaha is excellent. You have introduced alot of different elements fairly quickly but I don't really feel overwhelmed. I guess Dragons and dinosaurs have that effect on me, they are such inherintly magical ...
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  • Phillip N. Smith's avatar
    Phillip N. Smith wrote 10 months, 1 week ago
    Hey, That was certainly interesting, I don't think I've read anything quite like this before. I was initially worried that you would disappear too far into your "world", leaving us readers who don't usually read this style a little lost but you didn't. I don't know why or if you intended to do so but I was reminded of the "Avatar" movie and seemed to have that world forming in my head as I read. My only real concern (I ...
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  • Roger Laurence's avatar
    Roger Laurence wrote 10 months, 1 week ago
    Your message regarding Music Man reminded me, Augh, that I had not yet reviewed your book! I’m getting hopelessly behind. I hope you find a few of the thoughts below helpful, though perhaps many will not be. This is not my genre, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I don’t give fluff reviews, so right to a few points after reading the first three chapters. Short Pitch: Is this a novel a bout seeking to begin ...
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  • July's World's avatar
    July's World wrote 11 months ago
    WTF and CWOG review Hi Kestrelraptorial! Your story is unusual and interesting but after I read the first 3 chapters (one of which is to be considered as the book's title) I only know from the pitches about Kyeran's quest. It would've been nice if you gave us (a least) hints to where your story is going. And I don't really understand the thing with the lightning. Did Kyeran or any of the other raptors cause it? I haven't read ...
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  • Eric R. Jackson's avatar
    Eric R. Jackson wrote 11 months ago
    WTF Review -- Prologue and Chapter One review. This is a smooth read. Other than a few isolated instances of body parts doing actions I followed all the action with ease. I often found myself starting to critique a sentence or delivery but once I got to the end of a paragraph my concerns dwindled. The same phenomenon occurs with the mention of new species. You go on to explain them with nice, crisp descriptions but you make habit to ...
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  • Thrash D. Sal's avatar
    Thrash D. Sal wrote 11 months ago
    Thrash here, reviewing Chapter Four! Lots of action here. :D Nice stuff. I'll give my suggestions first before I forget them. Near the end, where everyone but Kyeran attack the sides and belly, you list their names off, all four of them, and it's kind of jarring and long. I think it'd be quicker and more effective to say "the remaining four jumped with full force..." or something like that. I'm starting to get used to the names, they were ...
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