Sunkissed by Carys Jones

Dawn Summers is dying. As she continues to fade away she has visions of her illusive father, urging her to fight for her life.

In the small village of Fandova the only medical care is in the form of the mysterious Dr. Moralus who has a known penchant for blood letting. Thomas, Dawn's fiance, is warned against inviting his intervention but feels that he has no choice, he
pleads with the doctor to save Dawn’s life…whatever it takes.

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted Feb. 28, 2012
  • Last updated Feb. 28, 2012
Sunkissed
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  • sheila cooper's avatar
    sheila cooper wrote 1 year, 9 months ago

    nicely written and absorbing tale, begs to find out about more about Dawn drawing the reader in early on. very interesting work in progress. I'm impressed x

  • Kestrelraptorial's avatar
    Kestrelraptorial wrote 2 years, 5 months ago
    Hi Carys, I remember reading "Sunkissed" way back when it was posted on inkpop. The story is much the same, though you've posted fewer chapters here . . . that's okay, though. It was fun to return to this story, and it's a nice change to read about vampires appearing much like walking corpses, rather than the newer versions that have them as attractive, almost elf-like humans. It's heart-wrenching to see Dawn suffer as she is, and it's easy to ...
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  • Retired user
    stearn37 wrote 2 years, 7 months ago
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  • CarolinaAl's avatar
    CarolinaAl wrote 3 years ago
    I read your first chapter. General comments: A touching, mysterious start. An ensemble of fascinating characters. You use deep point of view well to flesh them out. Effective descriptions that evoke the era. Good sense of place. Spiked with tension. Good pacing. Specific comments on the first chapter: 1) 'He looked up in to the eyes of the mother of his furture Bride which were fearful yet solemn.' 'Bride' should be lowercase. 2) 'No, we cannot.' Thomas said. Comma after ...
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  • Retired user
    I have read chapter one. The story is captivating, as are the characters. There is a mystery as to who Dawn is and why the village talks of her in such a way; this draws a reader to want to learn more. I found the opening, in a very few words, quite emotional. The ring falling off Dawn's finger paints a picture of frailty for which one feels. You seemlessly wove in how they met after opening with where they ...
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  • Andrew Hughes's avatar
    Andrew Hughes wrote 3 years ago
    Hi Carys, I read the first chapter, hope to read more soon but thought I’d leave a comment for now. I think the writing is excellent, it’s a very effective opening for your book, the characters are rendered really well and I loved the undercurrent of diabolicalness (if that’s a word!) I found the ‘hers’ a bit confusing in paragraph 2, perhaps you can insert a name for one. I like the idea of Thomas praying until his knees were ...
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  • J C Michael's avatar
    J C Michael wrote 3 years ago
    Well I've now read all three chapters and compliment you on the tale you have begun to weave. I like the originality of the setting, the characters, and the lure of the story, and would love to read more. There are a few errors in there with incorrect words etc. but I get the impression that this is a work in progress and, if you are looking for feedback on the concept rather than presenting this as a polished, finished, ...
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  • Jojober's avatar
    Jojober wrote 3 years ago

    I ve read chapter 1 and found your narration captivating.you ve got a vivid description and the characters are believable.good luck in your writing you are in my WLafter which....backing!
    JK

  • Retired user
    turnerpage [Retired] wrote 3 years ago
    I’ve read all three chapters you’ve posted and it just gets better and better. You’ve got the important aspects of the book right – the tone is right for a vampire story – and the characters are well observed. But this isn’t just any vampire story – it’s one where you’ve added an original twist – a setting in the New World as the settlers make their way across to the fabled West. Dawn, Thomas and Eileen are believable characters. ...
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  • Retired user
    Greenleaf [Retired] wrote 3 years ago
    Very interesting story. I read all three posted chapters and hope you will post more. The characters are distinct and unusual, and their dialogue seems right for them. Dr. Moralus stands out. He reminds me a little of Count Dracula. Thomas is clearly in love with Dawn and will do anything to save her, but I wonder how he will adjust when she is turned (I'm presuming she'll become a vampire). My only concern with the writing is your use ...
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  • Pippa Franck's avatar
    Pippa Franck wrote 3 years ago

    I like the premise of this book it looks interesting to me. I'm going to take a look. xx, Pippa

  • GCleare's avatar
    GCleare wrote 3 years ago

    An intriguing and mysterious start. Everyone is drained and dehydrated.. and then, we meet the doctor who wants to eat everyone and cannot be touched by the sun. My heart is already pounding too fast! Very exciting and your prose flows smoothly. Very exciting piece, high stars. ~Gail SECRETS WE KEEP

  • iandsmith's avatar
    iandsmith wrote 3 years ago

    The way Dr Moralus speaks is very well done: "I hear your daughter is dying" is described in a way that makes him seem very odd and interesting. You only need to mention their surname Summers once or maybe twice in the opening. I like it. Well done. It's on my WL.

  • FrancesK's avatar
    FrancesK wrote 3 years ago
    A fine and spine-chilling tale, Carys, though I agree with the comment below that your short pitch could be more compelling - death, love, guilt and terror all come into your story, whereas the pitch sounds quite calm and resigned. You have a few typos - 'a fetal position', not 'faecal', and 'forced a smile' rather than 'forged' were two I spotted. And sometimes you use adjectives oddly - such as 'a nice change' which seems inappropriate for the pain ...
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  • Alidownb's avatar
    Alidownb wrote 3 years ago
    I read chapters 2 and 3 This was great. I have to admit that at first I was a bit skeptical. I've read quite a bit of the vampire stuff. I am so glad I kept reading. It's refreshing to see some old fashion vampire goings on. No sunlight :) creepy looking this was good. You are great with description and dialogue. For a moment it reminded me of Interview with the Vampire. Good work! -Aliah Her Demise PS I ...
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  • CGHarris's avatar
    CGHarris wrote 3 years ago

    I read through the first two chapters and I think you have the beginnings of a great book here. Your style is warm and inviting with just the right edge of suspense. The perfect combination for a great page turner. Your imagery is fantastic and your dialogue feels smooth and natural. All in all it was a great read. Thanks so much. I will give this one high stars.

  • James Hardy's avatar
    James Hardy wrote 3 years ago
    Carys, I liked your pitch, gave only glimpses away, but had enough about it to make me read further than I might have without it, Now for chapter 1, please bear with me on this, I found it initially hard to get into, I was thinking I was reading a period romance book and without anything to keep an action junky glued. I persevered though, (the promise of the pitch making me curious to see how, Dr Moralus fitted in, ...
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  • Warrick Mayes's avatar
    Warrick Mayes wrote 3 years ago
    Carys, I read some of your fist chapter. The pitch was short but enticing. You don't have to give everything away, but you can use it to better effect. We were thrown into the deep depression of the rather stark scene of the woman lying sickly at death's door, no other furniture apart from the bed and comfort only coming from her betrothed and the fire, not from her mother. Such a sad and desolate scene. This was great scene ...
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  • Jamie Stewart's avatar
    Jamie Stewart wrote 3 years ago
    I thought the characters were very interesting and even though I don't particularly like the mother, you have made the reader empathy with her. I thought she was a true representation of a God-fearing woman of this time. I also like the suspicion surrounding her, how she turned up with her 6 children, that her husband was apparently lost at sea, people thinking she may be a witch, etc. The suggestion that something supernatural is acting on Dawn for example ...
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  • Marita A. Hansen's avatar
    Marita A. Hansen wrote 3 years ago
    As promised I have read your first chapter. (Sorry that I couldn't read more as I have a busy morning to get started). So, I'll get right into it. I think this was a very good first chapter. At first I wasn't sure about the multiple perspectives as they always throw me, but once I realised you were doing this I had no problem. And it was a perfectly fine way to go about things as I got to see ...
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