Changed by Danielle Nimmo

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to.

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to. Her mum knows what she is capable of doing but doesn't know how to help. Ruby has always coped by talking to her best friend Nyomi but one day it all got to much. who will she confide in and who will she tell her secret to, her new love?

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Fully available on Authonomy
  • First submitted May 1, 2012
  • Last updated May 1, 2012
  • Read 4 times
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  • patio's avatar
    patio wrote 2 years, 11 months ago
    An explosive, gripping opening chapter. The MC hurt herself then ended up in the hospital. Her mom visited her but she stopped her from questioning her about what had happened to her. So no surprise when she got out and her mom didn't ask how she was feeling. One criticism, your dialogue " Thanks nurse Sarah". You may want to review it to make it read more real. I doubt anyone would use all three words but two. "Thanks Sarah" ...
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  • patio's avatar
    patio wrote 2 years, 11 months ago

    I W/L Changed. I will dive in asap

  • Shelby Z.'s avatar
    Shelby Z. wrote 3 years ago
    Changed by Danielle Nimmo This story starts off with a grim opener full of pain and heartbreak. It pulled me in. Ruby is a real deep character with a great show of emotion. You created her very well. A few times thing seemed to jump around in a fast way but that did keep the story going. Though drawing it out would have been better for your first chapter. Your book needs so edit polish. Good work. Shelby Z./Driving Winds ...
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  • Lenny Banks's avatar
    Lenny Banks wrote 3 years ago
    Hi Danni, I read chapter 4. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. I hate loved up mushy stories, but I torture myself on this site. This is a very well writen, crafted piece of work, you appear to be describing real experiences and fantasizing it up a little. I would suggest your dialogue could be developed, your characters 'give in' too easy; how many dads let their daughters go out with the greased up boy racer so easily, and girls usually play with ...
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  • Wussyboy's avatar
    Wussyboy wrote 3 years, 2 months ago
    Blimey, Danni, are you really only fifteen? This is a surprisingly mature and readable piece of work, I whizzed through five chapters without even thinking about it. Okay, the grammar and punctuation needs tidying up (could you get someone to do that for you, or you could gmail me a page or two over and I could have a go?) but I could see the young teen crowd gobbling this up - Ruby's rise from scissor-wielding suicide attemptee to cool-kid-with-even-cooler-boyfriend-with-ultra-cool-car ...
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  • Shweta's avatar
    Shweta wrote 3 years, 3 months ago
    This comment has failed moderation.
  • Retired user
    Karamak [Retired] wrote 3 years, 3 months ago

    Hi Danni, still couldn't open chapter 1 but I think that's me! I read up to chapter 5 and loved it, it's fresh honest and beautifully written, you have a talent and flair. This would really appeal to teenage girls (and there mums) It took me straight back to my awful school days. Love the closet looked like it had exploded! With best wishes to you and congratulations, Karen Bates, Faking it in France.

  • Atieno's avatar
    Atieno wrote 3 years, 3 months ago
    Now Now, isnt this a good start. I love it. Really do! Chapter one is a ghost Remove it! It kills the seriousness of your beautiful writing. I found puncuation lacking in some places. The little nitpiks in chapter one. Here we go! Chapter one- more mean THEN her- THAN. Mr. Hinde would be correct. Defiantly? suppose you wanted to right definately? Up ducted- abducted I have had enough of of this crap OFF you_ FROM Why can;t you ...
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