Urtaru by Armen Chakmakjian

Is Pascal Adam Scintilla the first of three in the prophecy of Dol? Does he possess the prophesied gemstone?

Naerius. A rocky, seemingly unimportant planet. A stepping stone for rampaging imperial fleets and armies.

Naerians. An ancient people caught in the vortex between 3 battling empires. Fiercely independent, they seem to assimilate into the cultures into which their diaspora was spread, Their stories were replete with great princes who fought epic losing battles.

Pascal Adam Scintilla. A Naerian refugee on the dusty planet of Barabrum. Pascal was a nickname given to him in an orphanage-monastery by the Escisian Monks. Warriors and Priests.

Return. Pascal’s unquenchable thirst to go home leads him to actions that get him to the halls of power in the Raslavon empire.

Raslavon. The largest most powerful galactic empire. A civil war here would cause Pascal to find his love and his fate.

Prophecy. Prophecy would pit 2 religions, 3 empires and 3 generations of the Urtaru family In a set of events that might lead to Galactic Peace. Was Pascal the first of three as described in the prophecy of Dol?

  • Classification: Universal
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted April 4, 2009
  • Last updated April 4, 2009
Urtaru
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  • Retired user
    yasmin esack [Retired] wrote 4 years, 6 months ago

    An exciting and fascinating read. There is much to like in this work of science fiction and the author connects with us well.

    Happily backed

  • Retired user
    Ma.Ste. [Retired] wrote 5 years ago

    I used to adore science fiction as a kid. Your book kind of refreshes best memories. Plus it's an excellent piece of literature. Good luck with it! Cool read. Indeed.
    Ma.Ste.

  • Melcom's avatar
    Melcom wrote 5 years ago

    Why the hell is this great book languishing in the lower part of the site.

    You have a very good storytelling voice and what's not to like about your impressive premise and characterisation.

    Terrific read, highly enjoyable, you shouldn't give up on it.

    Melxx
    Impeding Justice

  • Retired user
    T.L Tyson [Retired] wrote 5 years, 4 months ago

    Different and well written. I am backing this. I see it has been here for sometime. I hope you haven't given up on it for it is really great.
    Backed
    T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

  • Steve Ward's avatar
    Steve Ward wrote 5 years, 7 months ago
    Armen. First let me say how much I love the bold type. I've been squinting at tiny type all day. Okay, you have the makings of a great story here. First we have the flashback, dream sequence explaining the magic necklace in dramatic fashion with the death of Adam's mom. Then we have the grown up Pascal as a deer hunting guide, then he wants to get off the planet to find documentation. I'm sure it all makes sense a ...
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  • Retired user
    Professor Iwik wrote 5 years, 8 months ago
    Hey, I really liked the opener and the pace you set from the beginning. It is good to see another book on authonomy where something actually happens in the first chapter. I like your writing too. "trimmed moustache and deep brown eyes," very nice description. I think you could improve on it in some places (couldn't we all?) basically it is fine, though there are some phrases which seem a little awkward. "panic in his expression," i think you could ...
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  • Jane Alexander's avatar
    Jane Alexander wrote 5 years, 8 months ago
    I'm here on behalf of Patrick (Cuthbert) for his return read......I confess I am not a reader of science fiction so I have no idea whatsoever about the conventions of this genre. But it seems to me that you have conjured up a highly complex and believable world and introduced into it some powerful characters. You're also playing with some volatile subject matter here, for which all praise. I wouldn't dream of offering any crit here, as I say it's ...
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  • beegirl's avatar
    beegirl wrote 5 years, 8 months ago

    Hello Armen,
    I love the opening of your book. Suddenly realising that this first part of the story was all in the past had a great result--it seemed to bolt me into the story. Pascal's intelegence and his desire to return to his planet keeps me wondering what is next, but mostly wondering what happens with the necklace is intriguing because of the pitch.

    Well done, shelving.
    Barbara
    The Sea Pillow

  • DMC's avatar
    DMC wrote 5 years, 8 months ago
    Armen Pitch: Woah, this has an epic feel to it. Very inviting indeed. Ch1: Wow, what an opening. I was there! I was a bit bummed when I found out it was a dream but you did get me. You say that P&P love to wander through the woods hunting – how about showing it? I think this would add to your cause and engage the reader more. And then introduce the exposition. I’d recommend ‘Hooked’ by Les Edgerton to ...
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  • Odysseus's avatar
    Odysseus wrote 5 years, 8 months ago
    A pacey style that reflects the fast-moving action of this start. A wonderfully named central character-- Pascal Adam Scintilla who thinks thus: “In truth, fate was something in which Pascal did not believe. He thought that chance and effort combined to make a person’s future. Presented with chance, he believed that effort was required to take advantage of it.” He is an accomplished man “Pascal spoke seven languages fluently and idiomatically” but is also a practical one: “Pascal was quite ...
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  • Retired user
    Bill James [Retired] wrote 5 years, 9 months ago

    Hi Armen

    Exciting start to the tale, a the characters are smoothly introduced. Good economical writing but still tells the reader all he needs to know. Happy to shelve and read on.

    Cheers
    Bill

  • JohnRL1029's avatar
    JohnRL1029 wrote 5 years, 9 months ago

    This is a movie. Your prose is sharp and vivid and fast-paced and we can see and hear and feel everything that is happening. The opening is instantly engaging: "Fire and smoke rose from the village center." What a great opening line. The clash of cultures is a particulary intriguing aspect to your novel. Also, love the names of your characters. This is great science fiction.
    WL.

  • Paolito's avatar
    Paolito wrote 5 years, 9 months ago
    Urtaru... After reading c.4, I think I still agree with the suggestion that you scrap c.3 and combine with c.4, but only the really important parts of the backstory. This is a good story, well told. Just needs a bit of polishing and perhaps a slight restructuring, and you've got a winner, IMHO. (For good info on structure, which I still find the most difficult task, read Jack W. Bickham's Scene and Structure.) Shelving, of course. Cheers, Sheryl IN ALL ...
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  • Armen Chakmakjian's avatar
    Armen Chakmakjian Author wrote 5 years, 9 months ago
    [QUOTE] Urtaru... Chapter 3 felt a little contrived, as if you were trying to avoid the problem of too much backstory by using dialogue to convey the same thing. Didn't quite work for me. You might consider scrapping this chapter and finding a way to weave the important information into subsequent scenes. Just a thought. Reading on... [ENDQUOTE] Chapter 13 might explain something about the necklace. Like any prophecy and items that have potentially prophetic effects it is questionable to ...
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  • Paolito's avatar
    Paolito wrote 5 years, 9 months ago

    Urtaru...

    Chapter 3 felt a little contrived, as if you were trying to avoid the problem of too much backstory by using dialogue to convey the same thing. Didn't quite work for me. You might consider scrapping this chapter and finding a way to weave the important information into subsequent scenes. Just a thought.

    Reading on...

  • Paolito's avatar
    Paolito wrote 5 years, 9 months ago
    Urtaru... I'm pouting because I still want to understand the last para in c.1, and c.2 doesn't give me the answer. This chapter doesn't read as smoothly as the first, perhaps because you haven't varied your sentence structure enough. Also,I'm wondering if the tension in the chapter could be increased by revealing a little more about Pringle and Parker's business dealings and Pascal's desire to get off the planet earlier in the scene. Despite my nits, I am reading on, ...
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  • Paolito's avatar
    Paolito wrote 5 years, 9 months ago
    Urtaru... Totally engaged by the end of chapter 1 and will be reading more and making more comments. I was confused by the last paragaph in this chapter, but perhaps that's what you want me to be so that I'll read on. I'm thinking that maybe he's dreaming what goes on before in the scene. This promises to be a great read. I have two nits: the para that begins with "Suddenly" has two 'out's' in it...kind of jarred a ...
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  • sperber1's avatar
    sperber1 wrote 5 years, 10 months ago

    You capture the sense of chaos after an attack very well, and your action scenes are well done. This hold my interest and make me want to read more. Which I will. In the meantime, shelved.

  • Retired user
    JANVIER wrote 5 years, 10 months ago
    Hello Armen, You crafted an amazing story here on the premise of good and evil. It is a sci-fi but the smooth writing and the easy-to-relate to lines make it almost believable. Chapter one especially set the story apart from most sci-fi works with its adrenaline introduction, description of the brothers and the attacks, the mother's frantic effort to save her sons and the closing with Adam's wake up as an adult still haunted by that past. Chapter two carried ...
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  • zenup's avatar
    zenup wrote 5 years, 10 months ago
    I keep expecting this to veer off into Stanislaw Lem territory for some reason. In fact, I find the reservations I have hard to pinpoint (the prose seems jerky, but it's more than that) - still, I love the scope & that distinctive European feel. Happy to back this one. I've had it on my watchlist for ages, as a matter of fact. Also, I wanted an Armenian in a short story I finished recently: does the name 'Marta Sulyan' ...
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