The Steely Dan by Ben and Brianna Hamlett-Keeling

A scifi comedy featuring a man who was a god, vampire pirates and a robot goat. And that's just the first chapter.

The debut novel in a series of adventures starring Arrson and his former mercenary team in the frontiers of space, science and staying alive...

Arrson’s life has never been the same since he was brought back to life. His mind had been stored in an artificial universe in which he became a god. He didn’t even get put back into his own body. And then there’s the genetically modified vampire pirates that want both his erotically-shaped space-mining ship, and to feed on his person and crew.

When Arrson and said elite and legendary crew - consisting of one alcoholic ship’s technician and a morally challenged robot goat - board the pirate vessel to fight them without risking their decrepit ship, the young patriarch of the vampire pirates, Jim, realises what a very special mind Arrson has. A mind that must be protected. The mind of a god who has perfected a recipe for government and chip’n’gravy pie.

From his death to his storage in and retrieval from an artificial universe and placement in a black-market body, we follow Arrson’s journey into the new and possibly final frontier: interdimensional space.

  • Classification: Moderate
  • Work is: Extract only on Authonomy
  • First submitted June 1, 2009
  • Last updated June 1, 2009
The Steely Dan
  • Read 4 times
  • On 2 bookshelves

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  • Retired user
    Tindalld666 wrote 1 year, 11 months ago

    I am so glad that I found this book! I have loved reading it so far and it has made me smile on many occasions.
    The flow is wonderful and the dialogue is witty. Please keep it up and good luck. Not that you'll need it.

  • junetee's avatar
    junetee wrote 3 years, 6 months ago

    This is a great book I really enjoyed it. Great work.
    It is well written, funny and great dialogue. I don't always like sci fi but the humour in this really livened it up.
    Very imaginative!
    5 stars

  • Retired user
    Prozakville [Retired] wrote 3 years, 11 months ago

    This is funny! The galaxy needs more comedy sci-fi. And phallic-shaped spacecraft.

    x Steph x
    (Hollow Moon)

  • sodyt's avatar
    sodyt wrote 5 years, 11 months ago

    This is a great, gory, glorious, grotesque, gallop thru Sci Fi land. Funnier than 'Red Dwarf'. Simply stupendeous. Super Nova +++ What the hell is it doing at 774 !!! Best of the best with this. Eric

  • Sweet Empress's avatar
    Sweet Empress wrote 5 years, 11 months ago

    OMG, funner than hell. I love it.
    The Mysterious Legend of Vladimir

  • mikegilli's avatar
    mikegilli wrote 5 years, 12 months ago

    I commented 69 days ago

    BOREDwith doing SNAP REVIEWS of vampire novels.

    This week I plan to re-review.
    Update my comments in light of immense improvements.
    In return I need comments on later new chapters of The Free

    So if you fancy an update.
    Let me know

    Good idea?.....................All the best.................Mikey

  • mikegilli's avatar
    mikegilli wrote 5 years, 12 months ago

    I commented 69 days ago

    BOREDwith doing SNAP REVIEWS of vampire novels.

    This week I plan to re-review.
    Update my comments in light of immense improvements.
    In return I need comments on later new chapters of The Free

    So if you fancy an update.
    Let me know

    Good idea?.....................All the best.................Mikey

  • maitreyi's avatar
    maitreyi wrote 6 years, 1 month ago
    I LOVE THIS KIND of surreal scifi and yours is no exception. i found your pitch to complex though. it would be more effective much simplified. also you need to be more precise with your language so that your humour really is on the nail. take your first line : 'To witness it etc' the structure of this sentence isn't actually working as a sentence - not for this pedant anyway. You only need to alter a few words eg ...
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  • Paolito's avatar
    Paolito wrote 6 years, 1 month ago

    The Steely Dan... hilarious, and I know I didn't even get all the jokes, but no matter because I had enough laughs in your first three chapters to last me quite awhile.

    No complaints about the writing, either.

    Get this thing off to agents, for heaven's sake.

    Shelved, of course.


  • Retired user
    JANVIER wrote 6 years, 1 month ago

    hello Ben and Brianna,

    I am not an ardent sci-fi reader, but your pitch was enticing, the prologue dragged me in and I got hooked reading the subsequent chapters.You have written a very helpful book that should be taken seriously. You have an imaginative mind and did good job putting it to use here.

    All the best.

    Janvier (Flash of the Sun

  • Migdalin's avatar
    Migdalin wrote 6 years, 1 month ago
    The story contains a number of very humorous elements, the news story about the doomed doomsday sect being my favorite. Vampires in space seemed like a pleasing oxymoron, something I personally haven't seen before. The conflict ratchets up fairly soon in chapter 1 with the approach of an unidentified ship. In reading this story, I found myself distracted by two things. First, I felt that the story made excessive use of exposition and telling. In truth, I rarely felt a ...
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  • Heidi Mannan's avatar
    Heidi Mannan wrote 6 years, 1 month ago

    B & B,

    Imaginative, humorous, fun. Happy to give it a turn on my shelf.


  • ChrisX's avatar
    ChrisX wrote 6 years, 1 month ago
    B&B You have a wonderful premise and array of characters. I love the idea of a robot goat. I read chapter 1 and then 4 to see if my thoughts were confirmed. Well almost. The story is very narrated. This is probably a deliberate style, but it doesn't pull your reader (OK me) into the story. The advice is use dialogue and action to do this. Show rather than tell your story. In chapter 4, once we get past the ...
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  • Andrew Foley Jones's avatar
    Andrew Foley Jones wrote 6 years, 2 months ago

    could become something of cult classic
    shelfed for origilality

  • Retired user
    kgadette [Retired] wrote 6 years, 2 months ago
    Dear Brianna and Ben, As you may have already been told, break up the long pitch into digestible bits. We readers seem to have digestion problems (!) The first sentence is intriguing, and funny – but a bit convoluted. But you're losing the joke because the sentence is long. My paltry suggestion: "The sensation could be compared to a 13th century Chinese ox farmer releasing his bowels into his trousers upon first experiencing fireworks." SPAMCER: very funny definition of the ...
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  • Retired user
    FaithB [Retired] wrote 6 years, 2 months ago

    This is fabulously funny and I love the dialogue. A glorious send-up of po-faced sci-fi on a mission.

    Consider yourselves shelved. (And congratulations on still being married after writing this together!)

    This is sufficiently different to become, dare I say it, a bit, like, iconic....

    Good luck!

  • SoulCascade's avatar
    SoulCascade wrote 6 years, 2 months ago

    Your paragraphs tend to be rather long. There’s nothing wrong with this, and I’ll admit this is just a personal preference of mine, but shorter paragraphs tend to make text easier for a reader to comprehend.
    That’s my only nit (sorry about that, I hate getting nits), you definitely have a flair for description. As I read, I felt like I was in the story, experiencing it as it went along. A very entertaining read!
    (The Essence)

  • mikegilli's avatar
    mikegilli wrote 6 years, 2 months ago
    Thanks for the geat laugh. It's priceless. it's hilarious. For me all inconstencies don't matter. Reader happily suspends disbelief coz he or she is laughing too much. You have a wide knowledge of contemportary 'culture' plus the sense of humour. My only suggestion is occasional fine detail description, as if for it.s own sake. Seems that in Sci Fi this makes everyone believe in it. Lotsa luck with it. If you have publishing probs I.d do it on line anyway, ...
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  • Andrew W.'s avatar
    Andrew W. wrote 6 years, 2 months ago
    The Steely Dan Hi Ben and Brianna, This is great stuff, with a bow to Douglas Adams and Naylor and Grant, with an added twist of Monty Python we are away in this wonderfully anarchic and silly Universe. The ship shaped like a packet, the manipulation of a red dwarf, the asides from our warm-voiced narrator, it all works wonderfully. I love stuff like this, quirky, original and very different. Comedy writing is tough, comedy writing in space opera is ...
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  • KJKron's avatar
    KJKron wrote 6 years, 2 months ago

    Funny stuff. I visualize a penis spaceship - goats, and plenty of other oddities. Dialogue is perfect for what you are doing - not sure what to say - other than I'll back it.